Christmas Day

Well, somethingood is over now. The last day wasn't anything worth mentioning, really. The whole event didn't end with a bang at all, which, considering all the stuff we had to go through to make sure everything ran smoothly, isn't a bad thing per se =P Now all that's left is to pay the CCF all the money, reimburse the school for damages and write thank you letters all over the place.

Heh, last night's Christmas Eve was kind of surreal. Had mixed feelings through the night, as we began with our caroling at the Tower Club. Bleah...it was a mistake, I think, to get the Guitar Ensemble to sing =S There were times when we went off beat, and our rendition of Jingle Bells was disastrous. Heh well, one little girl was having fun jingling bells with us, so I guess we have at least one satisfied customer. But after this escapade, I don't think our experience will permit us a repeat anytime soon...

Between leaving Republic Plaza and going for the midnight mass at the Cathedral of the Good Shepard, I had about an hour to kill, so I decided to walk along the Singapore River. The lights along the river are quite spectacular this year...Fullerton Hotel is done up very nicely. And at the Esplanade, there was this group of carolers from some unidentified organisation, which attracted me into the complex to find a splendid jazz band playing at the outdoor amphitheatre. Heh, with everyone else around me in couples or groups, I guess it did feel a bit strange that I was there alone. But then again, it wasn't exactly a yearning for companionship either...I guess I just wanted to be un-self-conscious about my alone-ness. And walking among the crowd, listening to the sprightly jazz base line over the speakers, admiring the lights of the skyline at night and taking photos liberally was comforting in itself. With no one else but myself to take care of, there was more freedom to appreciate the surroundings.

The Cathedral was stuffed by the time I got there, and it turned out to be because the Risen Christ Choir (the best church choir in Singapore, I'd reckon) had already started their pageant. And what a spectacle it was, with huge silver flags waving about and even a segment with hong chaos. They sang carols in German, Japanese and even Malay, and a special treat was the French carol, "Il est né", which I haven't heard since watching Les Choristes. For some reason, the carols they sang and the hymns during the mass took on more gravity of emotion than ever. At midnight, when the Archbishop arrived to celebrate the mass with us, there was an urge to really sing out as loud as possible. There was some kind of internal pressure to join in the celebration wholeheartedly, and to lose oneself in the ecstasy of the moment. And when you're in church on Christmas Eve, even an atheist will be able to appreciate the joy of the occasion.

One special moment was the Lord's Prayer, when everyone clasped hands and sang so solemnly. A big part of Christianity has to do with community, and even though I knew none of the people immediately around me, the sense of welcome and inclusiveness is unmistakeable, as we shared in the moment. Sentimentally speaking, it's a sad thing to spend Christmas Eve night alone, but the good part is that you don't really need to be alone when you're in a church. And anyway, I bumped into Greg at the Cathedral; he was there with two of his friends, so I guess during the highlight of the night, I was with someone I cared for, and that's good enough for me. The great part about this season is that you're never really alone when it really matters.

But wandering around downtown looking at the lights and humming carols to myself also gave me the chance to reflect on the past year. It has been a fantastic one for me, better than anything that had come before. All the experiences of this year (the Frexprog Two failure, then Pre U Sem, CAP, Frexprog Two and Texprog) have been eminently satisfying and enriching, an a lot of things happened this year that I had never expected would happen to someone like me. And all the people that I've had the privilege of meeting, through the various camps and events, have formed bonds that I hope will continue strongly into the next year. This year is a year when I've felt genuinely integrated into the social fabric around me, and it has only served to reinforce the importance of other people in my life. So this year has given me experiences in sociology far beyond anything that I could have expected.

But of course, the most gratifying thing about this year is that we've retained so many of our old friendships. Besides my four best friends (to whom I'm still deeply grateful for all that we've gone through together this year), it's pleasantly surprising that the relationships from CHS, the LC and even ACS are still existent. It's funny how things work out, and how in our allegedly fast paced and ever-changing world, a surprising quantity of things do in fact stay the same. From the conversations stolen from between lessons in school corridors, to walks to the MRT station, to class parties and surprise reunions, to dinners and just chatting wherever we happen to meet up, it is the little things that really reveal the state of things. And so, thank you for all these little things =)

Well...highlights of the year...a sunrise on a mountainside (sunrises and mountains are always highlights =P), an afternoon and evening spent on the phone, staying up in an abandoned section of a hostel, the last moments in a foreign airport. These are among the things that I will remember from this year, and I'm glad that for most of them, other people will remember them too. And this shared memory is what makes the experience more real, because someone else's memory can assure you that you're not imagining things or romanticising.

Well, it's about time to get back to the gathering that we have here at my place. The family's gathered here, and we watched the extended LOTR1, and now they're watching the Day After Tomorrow. Of course, being together is good, but I'm so much more familiar with my friends than with my extended family. That is an oversight on my part, but I'm hoping that the Christmas spirit will go some way to break the ice. Seeing the Christmas tree in the corner with its piles of presents stacked underneath, and all the kids gathered around the carom board, and the older ones around the TV, and the oldest ones around the buffet table...it does bring back memories of another time, when there were not so many surprises or concerns. Ah well, things change, and we adapt as well as we can. Me, I'm just thankful that we've all adapted so well this year.

And so, have the merriest Christmas ever, you all, and add all the miscellaneous well-wishes to go along with that =P Here's to the next year, that it may be filled at least with as much friendship and surprises as this one, and that we will not forget one another. May this Christmas and the new year be an enriching one for you all.

pondered by phoenican @ 25.12.04