Friday Again

Mmm Sunday was fun, we had our reunion dinner over at my place, the whole of my father's side of the family. It's good to have everyone sitting around that huge round table with steaming good food stacked high; braised mushrooms, kampong chicken, prawn fritters, abalone, pork rib lotus soup (delicious!) and the mandatory steamed fish (excellent!). Heh though the teens can't really engage the adults in conversation (with so many of them at the table, we are intimidated into giving up our provisional status at being seated at the "adult table"), it's nice to hear the subdued speech buzzing around nevertheless. My family is quite a quiet one, I realise. Well, definitely quieter than Mel's to be sure =P

Marcus and Ying Xiang the younger cousin were wrapped up in their own devices crashing Beyblades on every available surface. The men read newspapers or watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The women played with the two youngest boys. And the three of us, me, Greg and Ying Hua? We were with the movie =P

You know, usually I don't notice any changes in my family, because how can you tell whether someone has grown from one year to the next? The imperceptibility of the change makes it seem like they're perpetually young. It was only yesterday that the full impact of the fact that my oldest cousin on my dad's side was already in Sec 2 sank in. Changes in dress style, physical changes due to puberty, and so on. And the fact that she's almost as tall as me already is quite hard to overlook =P Yes, us kids are growing up, and usually I would not notice it, but I'm in my last year of structured education.

* * * * *

Wrote another story...this one inspired, strangely enough, by washing the family car on Saturday night. The quiet work at the void deck with my mom, seeing the metal emerge from under the dust and the water turn increasingly black sparked something off inside me, and set me off on a Beat-generation style creative binge...writing about all sorts of things, anything that comes to mind, flitting from one issue to the other, with an attempt at keeping consistent to one unified theme. Hmm it sounds less sentimental than usual to me, probably because it was not based on a strong important memory. Detachment does allow one to assert more precision on the writing process to some extent, directing the writing impulse more stylishly.

* * * * *

So today was Friday again; it's only in some place like RJ that even the flow of time can be made to bow down to human decrees =P Instead of crashing HC again (since we'd be back tomorrow anyway), I ended up with Mel and Chern for lunch and then a binge of Valentine's Day shopping. Hehhehheh, guys, I tried to stop them, but they wouldn't be dissuaded from their diabolical plans. When they paid up, the shopkeeper looked at the unlikely sight of two girls with ten...ahem. It was hilarious =D And accordingly it should be quite eye-opening on Monday.

After that we wandered down to Orchard to visit Creative Hands art supply shop, Kino and Bang & Olufsen. Heh it felt so...bohemian, to be wandering around racks of paintbrushes, paper, paint, easels, sketching charcoal, stamps, ink and so forth. So much raw material for creative expression, and being with the likes of Thong and Mel (and even TSD), I can already see how these pastes and tools can be greatly value added in their hands. Then hunted for books in Kino...I couldn't find Winterson's Oranges, for some strange reason, and Kino has a pathetic section of drama. But I did buy Eternal Love by McEwan...hopefully it's at least as good as Atonement. We were reading snippets of poetry...Larkin is actually quite funny at times...his pessimism sometimes goes over to bathos. But I like Sharon Olds muchly...her poems are really intense and the craftsmanship is ingenious. She is a benchmark that I can work towards. Given the lack of dramas available anywhere, I'd have to ask the TSD pple for help, or I'd do Olds. And Chern brought us to B&O to grab one of their brochures, and I was quite stunned by their really cool designs. Whoever first thought of designer multimedia accessories was a genius.

Hmm...chatted a lot about VDay today, partly because the two of them had plans to make. But it does seem to be so much trouble...if you're attached then you're under mainly social pressure to do something special on that day. Though it is sweet, but it's also to some extent an obligation that everyone else puts on you if not one that is put on you by yourselves. Heh after the Monday Incident, I really don't want to get anything personal from anyone on Monday. Gifts for fun and from people who are confirmed not looking for an attachment are all right...I can handle jokes and goodwill =P But I don't want to be confronted by something else as serious as the Monday Incident so soon again.

You know, I realise that the Monday Incident has impacted me alot more than it should have. If there's a realistic possibility of whoever I'm talking to harbouring a secret affection for me, then I'm instinctively suspicious, which is in no way fair to them, I admit. Interestingly enough, I'm now most comfortable talking to people who are clearly playful, already confirmed not interested or who are already attached. But it shouldn't be this way...it's unfair that everyone who doesn't fall in this category has to pay for the upset caused by one other person. I shall try to be fair to them at least...but the experience is still too fresh, and I see parallels and possibilities paranoiacally all over the place.

* * * * *

Hehheh tomorrow's CNY Celebrations! I hear that they'd be dancing Raindance, which is good for joining in. And afterwards there'll be a reunion at CHS, when we crash and try to catch the teachers before they run off for their lunch. Looking forward to the meeting up of everyone. Though last week I did see all of them, the guys from RJ, HC and VJ, but I haven't seen all of them together for a long time. It should be a good reunion tomorrow.

* * * * *

Was thinking back to Texprog, and all the Taiwanese that we left behind. Seeing Shixian on Fri sparked it off, I guess. Arh, it would be great to have them over here for Chinese New Year, or to be over there over this festive season. They have hols now, bless them, they deserve it after their torturous school year. But I do miss them and their exuberant curiosity and vibrance and hospitality. Young and his family, especially. Hmm...but the one moment that sticks in my mind is that time at the airport, that one hug. Yes, Singaporeans don't know how to hug properly. We simultaneously put too many connotations and not enough emphasis on hugging. And there is quite a lot that we lost in that simple physical communication...

* * * * *

Appended 20:11
Oh my gosh, it's happened again. Please, when you read this diary, do not assume straightaway that you know who or what I'm writing about. I've abandoned the policy of anonymity and the protection of all the characters that appear on my blog, but some things cannot be named, because the damage done would be too great. I name people because there is no harm done. But when I don't name people, that is because I can hurt them. And on the rare occasion when I don't name them, please don't readily put yourself in the shoes of my entry. Only I know who each entry fits.

I would chide you for your ego at assuming that I wrote about you, but it has clearly caused too much damage already. It was not about you. And yet, now that we've unwittingly arrived at this juncture, what can we do but continue as best we can? A part of me doesn't regret it, for at least we have been frank if anything. But understand that this was not intended.

pondered by phoenican @ 7.2.05