Universities

If it had to be anybody, it would have been you.

Cryptic comment of the month.

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Had a very hilarious talk on filling in the UCAS form personal statement today in school, given by this lady from Warwick University, Ms. Pack. Hehheh, it's amazing what some people put in their personal statements. The last one that she showed us, part of an application to study psychology, was some kind of stream-of-consciousness composition. I remember Oscar Wilde mentioned. And kilts, for some strange reason =P It would have made a credible amateur poem in another context, I think. Heh, we were saying that he would have gotten in on the merit of his personal statement...as a test subject for the course =P

Anyway, I wonder what I shall put on that part of the form. The trouble with things like this is that they tend to end up so saccharine and sugary, or otherwise the glare of introspection and self-belittling is embarrassing to read. It'd probably be the most important thing I'd ever written. Probably I'd pay more attention to it than when I normally write short stories. Hmm...I really can't think of anything academic that I'd done so far to show my interest in modern languages and culture. Except for the exchange programmes and French classes, I can't think of anything else really that would set me apart.

I guess in my mind's eye I was banking on the exhange programmes to show my interest. At the point in time when I took them up, it was the interest in another culture that was the most alluring. And to be sure, it's always the contact point with the local people over there that's the most interesting part of the trip. But then it's not exactly academically rigorous, and anyway, if I try to make it sound too big, I imagine that it'd sound rather wishy-washy. How to demonstrate an interest in culture without it seeming too contrived, and also without it seeming like just a hobby of mine?

Hmm...and anyway, gotta think again about what I want to do. Well, I still want very much to do MLC, but then Saturday's MOE scholarship talk pointed something out, something very obvious that I was smacking myself for not realising sooner. The scholarship boards will not sponsor you to do anything you like. It's their money, so you'd better study something that's useful to them. The problem with MLC is that MOE has no need for culture specialists, so they're likely not to offer me a scholarship to do some strange combined degree like MLC.

The other options that seemed most attractive to me after that scholarship talk were history and literature. Talked to a lit student from UCL under the MOE OMS programme, and she made it sound really fun. And for one afternoon, I seriously considered doing lit in UCL. But then on the train back was discussing with Yiting and Baoen, and we came to the conclusion that if lit in uni were like lit in JC, then perhaps it'd be better to forego it. To be sure, it's a strange state of affairs...lit in JC has widened my appreciation for lit, while at the same time eroding seriously my passion for doing it. I mean, I still love the subject, I still love reading the books, but to do it as a formal academic course is a whole new can of worms entirely. And perused the UCL prospectus again for lit, and the programme doesn't seem to be overly enticing. They're not putting much emphasis on modern lit, which is my personal favourite...

As for history, it actually is quite interesting, the programme offered at UCL. I can see myself studying history, and actually liking it, but not in the way that I like lit. I know I can do history, but it's just that history doesn't offer much in the way of Eureka moments, unlike lit, where flashes of insight are almost always the oder of the day, if you're to move forward in your reading of a text. Nevertheless, they have an interesting programme...History with a Year Abroad, in which you can go to US in your third year to do studies there. Interesting...a history exchange programme. Heh, I guess it's not too far away from a cultural immersion.

Of course, those options are if I decide to take the MOE scholarship. To be sure, the MLC boat is not wholly sunk yet. Haven't checked up on the other scholarships, and from what Chern says, people like Firefly give scholarships for the strangest subjects. And the PSC scholarships are far more flexible...the only trouble being that there are only 50 of them every year. Must do some research into MFA's programmes...if they offer any scholarships, then it's more likely that they'd be amenable to MLC.

Hmm...Ms. Pack raised an interesting question in the talk, on whether it'd be nicer to live in a city rather than the countryside. Me, I'd rather have a city, really. More life, more options, more conveniences. The only problem with London is that it may be a bit too big a city. I'd like to have a Lyon-type city, not too small, and not overwhelmingly big either. For that, Oxbridge, Birmingham and even Warwick sound like just the ticket. And I thought that I wouldn't go to Oxbridge...but now that I'm going to have to consider alternatives to MLC, maybe it'd be worthwhile to look again.

Bleah...was complaining that it was a nice feeling of certainty when it lasted. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to answer with precision the question of what I'd like to do next year. Apply to UCL for MLC, eventually major in French, and take the PSC-MOE scholarship and come back and be a teacher, with perhaps a stint in MFA too. Well, it seems like I overlooked a fatal flaw in that particular plan. But yeah...while the illusion lasted, it was one less weight to worry about. Ah well...shall have to rethink some things. And next week will be full of all this uni stuff, which I'm hoping will help.

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What to do? I'm being pulled in too many directions at once, and I find that my time is at a premium now. The easiest thing to do, of course, is to just stick with the one that's closest. But when you have interests in people, it's muchly different from having interests in events. I find it much harder to prioritise people, because I can't forget that they're likely to care about how I treat them. But there's only so little time, and there's the nagging feeling that no matter how much I allocate to any one person, it wouldn't be enough. Arh...many people to support these days, especially as the heat is on for the prelims. And I feel that I can't disengage now. No matter what happens, I have to stand by some people.

It was a favourite question of ours back in last semester, whether it's better to be wanted or to be needed. Well, I guess the point really is moot in the practical world. Either way, there are obligations to keep, expectations to live up to. Unavoidable, I guess. But even if it's hard, some part of me still wants to do it. And for the sake of that part, and even for the sake of others, if I may be so bold, I will do everything in my power to stand by everyone's side.

pondered by phoenican @ 27.7.05