Chern and Church

Bah...I log into my freehost and find this huge red notice that says that the host is under hacker attack, and so my sites are inaccessible for the duration of the spamming. Oh well, at least I don't store my entries there. At least I can keep writing here. And wait out the storm. Some sick people just get high on the strangest things.

Anyway, this weekend's been dominated by church. In a surprising turn of events, Chern followed me to Sts Peter and Paul on Sat for the sunset mass, just to see what it was like. And this morning went to her Church of Singapore service, just to see what it was like. Hmm...after all that, I still think that there's nothing quite like a Catholic mass. It's grown too deeply in me to allow me to participate in a Christian service without being on my guard, I realised. But still...learning to keep an open mind.

Throughout this morning's thing, while they were praying for more souls to be saved, I was praying for an open mind. To be able to recognise God in all the forms that he is portrayed in by us humans. After all, at the heart of it, all Christians believe in the same thing; it's just the technicalities that get in the way.

The two types of celebration are extremely different, I realise. Firstly, Chern's thing took place at 8.30am, which is too early on a Sunday morning, if I may say so (human weakness overriding the promptings of divinity here) =P But yeah...it was more or less like a typical Christian celebration, a veritable rock band on stage, lots of charismatics, the sharing of bread and wine (categorically not the body and blood of Christ), and an evangelical thing at the end. Was most uncomfortable when the evangelical minister person was calling out for souls to be saved. The thing is, I'm already a convert, and yet when he was calling out, I had the distinct feeling that I was not meant to be there. As if everyone could tell I was not one of their denomination (which, now that I think back, my discomfiture would not have helped to cover up). There was a sense of a divide between the saved and the...well, everyone else. In a Catholic mass, anyone can sit in and no one would notice (in fact, most people would ignore each other, unfortunately), but in a Christian service, I always get a feeling that they're deliberately challenging me to prove my belief by stepping forward.

I figure that it's not on purpose...I mean, they don't intend to appear exclusive or divisive. Probably it's just that I'm not used to this kind of stuff. But it irritates me deeply when people try to evangelise me, especially on the street. And I remember last year's rather disturbing evangelical rally...seemed to me like everyone was being convinced to convert on the basis of the good music put up by the band. I have my doubts whether such mass conversions are really a good idea...people committing themselves on the spur of a moment, not knowing what they're getting into, and perhaps finding themselves unprepared to lead a truly Christian life (whatever that actually is).

On a point of principle, I don't think this is the way to become a Christian at all. Any type of Christian.

Ah well...but besides the evangelical bit the service was rather fun. Lots and lots of singing, though I was more or less silent cos there were all these new-fangled songs. And a real live band! My gosh, that church is swimming in money...the only other church I know has an electric guitar setup and a drum set is Holy Trinity, which, incidentally, is also very rich =P And I thought a Catholic mass was theatrical enough with the scripted rituals and elaborate costumes and setting and all that...well, this morning's service actually took place on a stage with a rather impressive tech setup...four light bars, monitor amps, a backstage, and I bet there's even a working curtain =P

Interestingly, though, the sermons of yesterday's and this morning's services actually coincided. Yesterday I was rather surprised to hear the father talking about the five loaves and two fish story à la Purvis's version - i.e. when the disciples distributed what little they had, everyone else also decided to share their food. So the miracle was the inspired generosity of the normal people, rather than a transformation carried out by Jesus. And then this morning five loaves and two fish appeared again, but as evidence of everything being possible in Jesus. Which is true enough. But it surprised me; I'd always thought that Christian churches would be more...rational, in a sense. Of course it's premature to judge...Catholic rituals probably seemed unbelievably archaic to Chern. But one thing that really stood out: I get the impression that Catholics place the emphasis on love in real life, while Protestants place the emphasis on conversion and the eternal life. I guess we concentrate on living life as a preparation for the ultimate objective, while they emphasise more on the absolute faith that there is an ultimate objective to go towards.

I realise I may be grievously wrong in this distinction. It seemed correct at that point in time...

To be sure, though, I think if there's one thing I want to take back from that service, it was the sense of community. When we were going into the church, there were plenty of people saying hello to Chern, and naturally asking who on earth I was. And the thing was yesterday, I was certain that no one would notice Chern in the church, and I was right. Hmm...perhaps it's because Sts Peter and Paul is really not my parish, and no one knows me there. And perhaps it's also because OLPS, which is my parish, is also the biggest one in Singapore, which does make it hard to develop a sense of community. But there was a genuine warmth in the Church of Singapore. You could tell that everyone knew everyone else...like a village. Like Raveloe, even.

Hmm...many things to think about now. I'm rather irritated with myself that I had to force myself to open up my viewpoints during the service this morning. Didn't realise that my religious views on what worship should be like were so...set in their ways. In effect I want to be able to appreciate God in whatever form of expression people put him in. But I think there are some things that are unchangeable. I will always prefer a good old Catholic mass, if only because it is reassuringly familiar. It never changes. And the notion that every week, you take part in a ceremony unchanged across territories, languages and time, that has linked and continues to link the corporeal with the eternal, is very empowering for me. It is something reliable that I can build on, these unchanging rituals.

Which is, of course, not to say that Catholicism is anti-reformist. In fact I think we're actually one of the more forward-thinking denominations of Christianity.

* * * * *

Anyway. After mass, went with Chern to visit her grandma, who lives in Bedok, which was a nice surprise. Actually it turns out that her family's rather familiar with the east side...the church itself was just opposite Parkway Parade. Heh, actually it did occur to me that it may be rather odd to just tag along for lunch with her family. But felt like trusting to the Lord, and anyway, nothing bad has ever happened before when I went out on a lark like this.

And nothing bad happened today either. Chern's grandma didn't in fact jump to conclusions about why I was tagging along, and Chern's aunt turns out to go to OLPS occasionally too. So now I have someone else to look out for. Heh, I must say she's quite a formidable character...I haven't met such a dedicated Catholic in a long time, to be sure. She's off to Kenya to do missionary work next. I take my hat off to her, and wish that I could go too...

So anyway, there we were, munching on frozen grapes and longans and reading homework stuff while Cheriel was rushing her tuition homework. Here I have to pause for a while, to lament the loss of my proficiency with Chinese. It wasn't very good to begin with, and now I realise that I can't even do a Sec 1 HCL worksheet anymore. Hai...I can still functionally communicate, and I guess it could be worse, but to think that we spent so much time learning all that vocab just so we could forget it over these two years...such a waste. Especially when in normal life I use so little of it that I don't even notice the fancy stuff dying away.

Her other sister is rather formidable too...MOE overseas scholar, studying in UK somewhere, I forget. Anyway, Cherlyn is like a glimpse into the future. She seemed rather harried actually, tired out even. I do hope that it's just a passing phase, this exhaustion...though judging from past teachers it doesn't seem to be the case (incidentally, who should I bump into on Sat evening at Suntec than my two fave teachers from good old CHS! Heh, I must say that they look substantially younger...perhaps cos Mr. Liew has quit his job at the old school...).

Went to Purvis Street for Hock Lum Beef Noodle, which was sublime. I gotta remember that place. And it's conveniently located just opposite the Central Library, which is all very conducive for my studying plans =P Hmm...interesting to watch the family, though. The antithesis of my own family, in that there are three girls rather than three boys. And for some reason age is inversely proportional to height (sorry Chern, but it's true...) =P I wonder if that's the main reason why they're much more vocal than us, the fact that there are three girls. Interesting, interesting.

Well, was a very enjoyable morning and lunch, all things considered. Much better than staying at home typing out econs notes, though eventually I still have to get around to finishing them. They are very warm-hearted folk, welcoming, hospitable. They must meet my family. Maybe we'll actually turn out to be related in some distant fashion =P The Neos and the Leongs. Has the makings of a Hong Kong soap opera...

The only thing was that I didn't manage to thank them properly (at this point I receive an SMS from Sots that says "thanks" - wholly unrelated issue, of course, but the coincidence is surprising...). Bah...it's the old preference of expressing gratitude in kind rather than in words. But the thing is that there's no telling when the opportunity would arise for a return of the courtesy. And in the meantime the moment has passed, leaving loose ends dangling. Well, I guess I can start here. Thanks muchly for the great time, guys! =)

pondered by phoenican @ 31.7.05