University Reconsiderations

Argh it's very very vexing! Discovered that actually I'm not qualified for the Modern Language and Culture course at UCL. Bah...turns out that even if you don't actually need a French A Level to take French in the course, you need a modern language A Level to even get in in the first place. Which means that probably I won't be able to take that course, that perfect fit between the language I want to do and the culture I want to study and the place I want to do it all in.

It's very frustrating because I was under the impression that I could do it at first. Didn't notice that clause that said that a modern language A level was needed. And once again, it's been painfully highlighted to me how useless that French AO Level is. I mean, it was fun to learn French for one more year, but I was expecting something functional to come out of it. I feel very betrayed by the LC people, who created the impression that AO was the equivalent of A Level for all practical purposes. Unfortunately, as I've discovered, it's not the case at all.

Of course, I may have just heard wrongly all those years ago. A part of me hopes that this is the case. So I can blame myself rather than the LC. If you get what I mean.

So that has created the necessity to change that nice little equilibrium that I had. The perfect fit, that sense of certainty and satisfaction at being able to say concretely where I want to go and what I want to do. Well...as I have been outlining to myself and anyone who had the bad luck of being bitched at by me, there are three options now. Either I go to Birmingham or Warwick to do that programme (since I am qualified in those U's to do it), or I learn to like another course at UCL as much as Modern Language and Culture (other attractions are UCL's History with a Year Abroad and History with an European Language), or I just throw everything away and go to the US (in other words change both the venue and the course).

For the first one, I really have no problem with doing it, because the course is really very attractive, my idea of the ideal course. But the drawback is that I won't be able to do the course in London (which is a big pull), and UCL doubtlessly has more credibility than Birmingham or Warwick. The second option is possible too, but the closest thing in those courses to cultural studies is cultural history, which is not too bad, but it doesn't include the lit and media components as much. I guess if I decide to stay in the UK at all costs, it'll come down to whether I want to change the course more than I want to change the university. In a perfectly competitive university market, I would choose the latter...but I can't ignore the practical limitations.

As for going to the US...Well. I didn't want to consider that option at all at first, firstly because I never considered US before, and doing so would worsen the indecision by opening up a whole new set of choices, and anyway I don't have SATs. And even now, I haev the feeling that I don't want to go to the US as much as some people do, and to consider doing so would only create unnecessary competition, and anyway I'd be disadvantaged by my lack of sincere drive to go there. But after the MLC debacle I was feeling despondent enough to consider the US, and Kels was helpful enough to point out some promising programmes.

Was flipping through the Yale prospectus just now, and was totally blown away. That university is downright beautiful! And the photographs were so wonderful...flipping to the "Libraries" section, seeing the delicate masonry on the huge building's facade, the wood-panelled reading rooms with vaulted ceilings and plush armchairs and fireplaces, and that enormous and amazing rare-book exhibition library, I could positively feel my heart going out to the university. Seriously, pictures like that can make you cry, they're that sublime...

But I realise that the US system is very different from the UK one...the prospectus offered tons of info on living conditions, CCAs and financial aid etc, while the whole range of courses was summarised on one page. Clearly their emphasis is different. I can see myself enjoying the whole range of activities and culture in the university. And then I went online to look for more detail on their courses, and the range is mind-blowing! There were so many choices that I got intimidated and stopped reading after like two minutes. The point has been clearly made.

I think at this point, if I were to go to the US, I'd go to Yale and do their international studies thing (though I haven't been able to bring myself to look at it closely yet). The big drawback is the SATs, which will have to be taken in close proximity to the prelims and the actual A's. And the expense of merely applying, let alone actually going there. And all that hassle...there are a heck of a lot of forms to fill in. It does take a lot of drive to even apply, since the complexity of the system just puts you off. I guess that is the start of the test to prove that I'm worthy to go there.

Haiyar...I feel quite weary now. Been thinking about this issue all week, and what with all the university talks we've been having, there's hardly been another topic on air. Don't want to think about it anymore. Shall talk about other news next time, I think. The Slug Club meeting called by Mr. Hodge, why I will not go to Oxford anymore, and the stress therapy yesterday =P Arh...but now it's time to sleep, I think. To stop thinking, at any rate.

pondered by phoenican @ 4.8.05