Reflections

What a stroke of luck. Yesterday Chern introduced me to this YFC thingy where you could get to meet a huge bunch of past and present scholars (mostly studying in UK), which was rather useful. Got people on PSC and FireFLY, and people living in the UK, and even this guy who's actually done SPS at Christ's, and is currently doing his SPS Ph.D there too. That was a real stroke of luck...so now there's a way to get an inside look =P Heh, actually meeting someone who's doing SPS at this moment makes that aim seem much more realisable now. If someone's done it before and lived to tell the tale then it begins to look less like a fantasy and more like a feasible option. But I expect that when we're actually doing SPS, then we'll look at our juniors with the same degree of wisdom and assurances.

Spent yesterday doing uni stuff, filling in lots of the forms. Bleh...when filling in the UCAS stuff I realised that the French AO qualification doesn't count for a single thing now. The system informs me that the French AO scheme was scrapped in 1987. And now, looking closely at the certificate, it doesn't say Alternative Ordinary...just Ordinary. So I find myself in the position of having two O levels for French. Well...I don't really mind the redundancy, and all things considered, last year's French classes were rather fun. But I wish they'd told us from the start, that we wouldn't get an additional qualification.

Why the LC doesn't offer French A's outright I don't understand.

Anyway...yesterday got a nice surprise from Yvonne from Texprog who sent a message. Arh...I do miss those kids. They'd be finished with their high school already, and probably all thinking about what to do next too, if I'm not mistaken. Everyone's got futures to think about. In my most frustrating moments it's hard not to think back to what I've left behind through these years, the friends and acquaintances in other countries, and the more carefree times, when there was a clear point to work towards, and more time to do it in. I resolved back then to find some way to find them again. If I do end up in the UK, one of the top things on the agenda would be to pop back to Lyon to find the Tills. I need to devise a plan to return to Taiwan and look for the kids again.

On the night that Greg was flying off (Friday night), I was lying in bed thinking back to Yunnan, and I was surprised to find out how much of it I actually still remember. Lots and lots of it came back. Not only the most memorable sights and sounds, but all the troubles too. And the people. It was a strange time, that...being among the youngest on the trip, and going with the SMGS kids. I remember I had so much trouble with relating to other people. But looking back now it's like viewing everything through a refractive lens...you remember what you felt, but you can't make yourself feel it again.

And suddenly I remembered something I hadn't thought of for years - I kept a journal when I was in Yunnan. It's like one of those archaeological finds that revolutionise mediaeval history...journal-keeping and sketching did not originate in Sabah in Sec 3, but in Yunnan in Sec 2. And I was really exhilarated by that revelation, and tried to find that old booklet - until I remembered that I'd let Mr. Yap, our chaperone, keep it. I didn't want it at the time. And now that I've kept so many journals, I see the value behind it. Even if at that time I didn't want to remember everything that I'd written in it.

God, I've been through so much. And left behind so much. The hard part, the things that you can't leave behind, the things that make it all worthwhile and also so difficult, are the people you meet when you're far from home and forced to rely on yourself. The people that, having no one else ot depend on, you find that you can trust. And though I always put so much importance in memory, after a point you have to admit that memory doesn't serve the purpose. There will always be this conceptual gap between the people that I remember and the people that I left behind.

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Arh I still have the National Day packages sitting at the foot of my bed. Need to do them up, then fire them off to Taiwan, before I really get swamped by work.

Heh...been trying to write my personal statement, and not succeeding much, I'm afraid. I was planning to use Frexprog and Texprog as the showpieces, but I eventually only managed to fit them in rather awkwardly. And had to finish abruptly, even though I was trying very hard to think of enough points to fill up the 4000-character allowance. Ah well...will show Purvis for recommendations on improvement.

Got a new phone. Don't think I'll transfer to the new set yet, since I need to figure out what all those buttons do. Heh I fear that it may be too advanced a set for me. I only requested a camera, but the one that my parents actually got has all sorts of new-fangled features in it. And anyway, I'm sentimentally attached to the old Nokia...shan't throw away the handset that accompanied me to two kelongs, Genting, Taiwan and Thailand =)

Oh, and one more thing...happy birthday to Thong!

pondered by phoenican @ 21.8.05