Steve Vai

Ahh...listening to Steve Vai, this rock guitarist, who wrote what he calls a rock fable. Unsettling music, but the concept is intriguing, and you can see how the music is used to reinforce the story that he wrote. Nice music, all things considered, and I'm just taking a bit of time now to enjoy myself before going back to finish off A&C documentation.

Was talking to Pui Man about universities stuff on the way home today. Hmm...the process of application is under way, and I want to get it out of the way as soon as possible so it won't interfere too much with the prelims. I don't know whether it's actually a good thing for her to apply to Cambridge's Law...it may not fit what she's looking for. And anyway personally I support much more her bid to study in France, which I think is really brave and novel, and she clearly wants to do that much more than to go to the UK. And while this may not be true for all people, I can safely say that I support her French bid not because I want to improve my chances at Cambridge but because I genuinely want to see her enjoying her studies and uni life. Heh, sometimes I'm quite surprised at the inverse symmetry...I (and she too) always expected me to be the one to go to France. Strange how these things work out.

Anyway. Too much university talk creates unnecessary stress, and ended up discussing guitar music. Which is why I'm listening to Steve Vai now, admiring his impressive fingerstyle. Hmm...this sort of excursion, once in a while, is important for me to maintain a sense of perspective, I guess. To remind myself that there are other people existing and living outside the contained universe of our three classes. People who aspire as well, who have different perspectives, and who are similar to me in such surprising ways. And then there are the people who belong to a special category, people with whom I feel completely secure. When you find someone like that you don't let go at all costs.

Speaking of perspectives...I am determined to avoid the poisonous pitfall of complacency regarding universities. I shall believe my placing in any university only when I see the admissions letter. If I permit myself to start living as if I already have a place, that would be asking for trouble when disappointment comes, and anyway it would be utterly poisonous to the frankness and openness that I value so much. So I hope you'll forgive me if I don't play along in the praise game...it's a self defensive thing, I can't permit myself to start down the slippery slope of self-absorption.

Hmm...I find myself in a remarkable strategic position in this whole universities affair, however. In a position to genuinely help other people, not only academically but also psychologically. Was asking for opinions on my personal statement today. I know that showing other people my statement before they've written theirs is a bad strategic move, and it also opens up the possibility of me exerting unseen influence and pressure on the others. But I hope that everyone can take it in the right spirit. It's not meant to be intimidating, and I don't expect anyone to try to copy it consciously. Heh...the most important bits in my statement that are unduplicatable, I believe, and anyway, the bottom line is that I have grown to trust my schoolmates. Some more than others, to be sure, but I get the feeling that, after all this time, I can rely on them to have at least basic honour and respect, if nothing else. And this trust, and the strength of my position as reinforced by Purvis, has allowed me the luxury of playing the game with my cards on the table, openly and frankly. I realise that without this combination of factors I'd probably have to be more careful with what I do with my data.

Oh well...enough moralising. Been inspired lately to write, but nothing concrete has come of it. I think it comes from doing three lit books at once...finishing up Conrad, documenting A&C and transferring my Atonement notes to the new book. Lots of material there to write on. But no actual writing has been produced. Partly because of a lack of time, I guess. Ah well...I hope to have one last stint of writing before the prelims properly begin next week. Just to get all the urges out of the way, as it were =P

pondered by phoenican @ 25.8.05