Daisy Does Pull it Off
Daisy was an excellent play! RP really outdid itself with this one. A splendidly constructed set with multiple levels, uniforms suspiciously reminiscent of some other top school in Singapore, a wacky Harry-Potter-esque plot, great acting and even stunning special effects. All in all a really smooth production, as compared to Lysis last year. I particularly liked the hockey match scene, rendered in commentary form because they didn't have any space onstage to reenact the real thing. The stageplay there was really innovative. And the cliff scene, Daisy's moment of heroics, was fantastic...with smoke and lights and sound. Really well pulled off, with all the tech. And the treasure discovery scene was positively spooky, with a darkened set, glowing portraits and a creaking door, a looming silhouette...
Well, for all the troubles that they encountered, I must say that they managed to pull of an impressive show last night. Exceeded all my expectations. It was a comedy with a different flavour...not so over-the-top slapstick, like Cash on Delivery, but more...I don't know, refined? It had a coherent plot at least. And the characters were still hilarious. Heh, I think the toady should get a special award for being so positively hateful. I felt a positive wave of nausea when she first appeared on stage. How...delightfully revolting =P
And there were signs of love everywhere...the set was splendid, completely hand-built and hand-painted. Little touches, like the nicknames of the crew on the honours roll and the names painted on the spines of the books in the library, were all testament to the effort and toil that went into the production. Watching it from the audience, it felt like everyone loved this production more than they loved Lysis. But of course, from the audience's point of view, you can't see all the politicking and whatnot.
Oh well, but it was a great night at any rate. My hat goes off to the Players. I for one was thoroughly impressed. It's a nice surprise to see all my prejudices and expectations being smote to smithereens in one shot =)
Anyway, in just over an hour's time I'll be checking in at the airport, then it's off the Bangkok. I can't say that I'm overly thrilled...there hasn't been time to build up. But I do hope that it will prove to be fun. My digicam unluckily chose yesterday to conk out, so I'm reverting back to my primitive film camera, that doesn't even have a zoom =S But ah well, I expect I'll rely on other people's charity when it comes to photo-taking then. Here too, I wait to be surprised. Tentatively looking forward. But what could go wrong? Going there with old friends and old classmates, it's not like the whole social structure will have to be built from scratch.
One thing that's exciting, though, is that we're going to a city where everything will be in a truly foreign language. It's been a long time since I've actually gone somewhere where I couldn't speak the language. It should make for interesting interactions, I must say =P When faced with the problem of communication, people come up with all sorts of ingenious solutions...
So going off for one week...see you guys on the 3rd, when we'll come back. Once more, onward, my friends =)
Breaking Off
Oh yes...one more thing. Going off to Bangkok tomorrow, and been so busy that I haven't had the time to build up any excitement for it =P But I guess it'll be fun enough. The three classes will be going, with Mr. Rollason as chaperone. Heh, I'm all prepared to be set loose in Bangkok...lots of places to explore, especially with everything in a language that we don't understand. Makes things much more interesting.
And will have my old flightmate and an old soulmate on this trip. And old classmates from 4N days. Heh, I guess you could say that I've been dreaming of this trip for a long time. An opportunity to go abroad with classmates and friends. Maybe this will be a further culmination of Frexprog and Texprog. But I can see how things could get...complicated. It's alright to get along with two different people. But when all three of you are put together, then uncomfortable things can happen. Oh well, shall try to normalise all relationships as best I can.
I'm determined that we should go exploring Bangkok alone and freely. It would be such a waste to go to a new city and be stuck in the hotel and the UN Regional HQ all the time. But not too many people, of course. It doesn't work with big groups...too cumbersome, not fast enough. Heh, and I'll be taking photos as usual. But I think I won't have net access over there, so I'll have to transcribe everything in the old sketchbook. I hope it'll have enough space =P
But first, I'll have to pack...
* * * * *
Going to watch Daisy later. I hope it'll be good. I know I shouldn't have prejudices, but I'm not really expecting something on the calibre of HC's production last week. Oh well, I'm still open to be surprised. At any rate, I hope that it'll be a worthwhile performance for the people doing the performing. Especially for poor Kels...all the headaches in RP personnel. I had the luxury of leaving.
But for the last ever performance of their batch in RP, I hope that it'll be a memorable time. At least they should feel like they had a job well done. Like RJGE's concert. Heh, hearing all the others gripe about their concerts, I think we were quite lucky with RJGE, to actually come out with a minimum of regrets. But anyway, I hope they'll have that feeling tonight.
Ageing
Hmm...I think I'm getting old. Was at the iSpark Night gathering thing at HC's auditorium. Basically it was an excuse for all the old people to get together again...the three iSpark classes from my batch, and most importantly, my own class. 4N.
I still miss those people, those times. And yet, there's a sort of shift in the relationship in the class. The old camaraderie is still there, to be sure, but there's something else now that tinges it with a measure of...unease. Sorrow, maybe? No, too strong. Sadness perhaps. It would seem that we are finally going to move out of our old orbits. University, examinations, army, all looming in front of us. I don't know how much of our bonds will actually survive the test of time and space.
To be sure, it's lasted longer than I expected already. And the people who sustain it are the unexpected ones. The delightful thing about these two years was that the people I least expected to stick together have proven to be the glue behind the continuing friendship of our class. I guess partly it's out of habit that these people stick together. And also because they expect nothing from each other except frankness and trust. The healthiest of all relationships, I think, and one that developed only in an all-boys environment in mid-teenage. That kind of attachment that we've enjoyed as old boys will not manifest itself in 1A, I think. Too little time, and too little frankness.
But to be sure, I expect that the 1A relationships will outlast most of the 4N ones. And yet, even there, the 4N relationships have the superior tinge of realisticness. In its transience, it is truthful. When our camaraderie is used up, we will drift apart and eventually only meet one another tangentially, I expect. 4N won't stay together any longer than its people want it to stay together. For 1A, the story's a bit different. Some people will oblige others to come for reunions every now and then, until the thing becomes a ritual, something that everyone goes through the motions of doing. 4N will let the class die a peaceful death when the time comes. 1A will put the thing on life-support.
Of course, part of me hopes that 4N will not die. Probably that's the old sentimental part of me, who's beginning to accumulate enough memory to start to feel nostalgia for the "old times". These two years, I've seen 4N as something that does not change, something constant to rely on as I readjusted to RJ life. But at iSpark Night, the hints of change have creeped in. I've changed. For all my gripes against the RJ lifestyle, I find that I am growing into what some people will call a "Rafflesian". And yet, I still want to stay among the "plebians". The Cheena people were my buddies before. Now I find myself stuck between the two camps, too rough around the edges, too optimistic, too simple to be a real intellectual Refflesian, and yet too highbrow, too formalised to really be one with my old peers either. Change is coming. It's time to find something else to hold on to.
Heh, and iSpark Night was as cobbled together this year as it was for all the years we were there. To be sure, they really tried hard. There was sincerity behind the really bad plays and songs and short pieces that every class put up onstage. Can sincerity make up for the lack of quality? Most of the time, I would think not, but that night, I couldn't bring myself to criticise them too harshly. All the old people there...parents, some old boys from the first ever iSpark batch 15 years ago, old classmates, and even our next generation, the 300-odd present iSparkians. What they lack in refinement they make up for in effort and camaraderie. And everyone knew that it was bad, onstage, but no one really cared. It was good-natured, for the most part.
Or maybe that's my sentimental side talking again. It was sad, in its way, that it was cobbled together. Heh, the whole shebang was undoubtedly forced upon each and every iSparkian, in the tradition of Chinese High. And yet, for all its fakeness and superficiality, I begin to appreciate the intention behind it. It's more or less an excuse for gathering, not a proper event in itself. When I was doing things for iSpark Night years ago, I thought that it was a big waste of time. But really, the night wasn't for the shows, it was for gathering everyone under one roof. I am beginning to see that, and then all the superficiality and lack of quality becomes just quaint, another figment of what it was like to be in iSpark.
Yes, I am getting old. Only with hindsight can one see things in this kind of light...
Reality
It's the absurdist problem of life. It all just seems so unreal.
It used to be that my greatest fear was to be forgotten by the world. Now that that has been rectified somewhat, perhaps my greatest fear now is to be forgotten by the real world. It is perhaps the greatest cost of being part of this group of high-flyers. Increasingly, it feels like the world that I am in right now, the world that forms my normal day, is becoming detached from the real world.
Of course, whatever that real world actually is is questionable. I can't really say, because I can only conclude that I haven't been living in it a lot. Perhaps real is equivalent to normal. And yet, my concept of "normal" is not normal enough, and all these perceptions are relative. The only thing that I know, like Kueh, is that right now, this process we are going through is not "real" enough.
There is a certain effervescence in the existence that we lead in school now. The tragic paradox of knowledge, perhaps, that we only seek to know more just so we can get a more accurate picture of how little we actually know. The process of life in class does not seem to be...substantial. When we speak of politics and love and death and all these megaconcepts, there is so little reference to the real world, like we're talking about all these in a vacuum. And perhaps it's necessarily so, because these megaconcepts aren't able to fit into the narrow, unenlightened viewpoint of daily life.
Even triteness seems more true these days. Truisms, cliches, sentimentality, they have the weight of real experience about them, unlike the brutal realism (not cynicism) of our vaunted intellectual honesty. Some kind of ivory tower syndrome, perhaps, is what we're looking at. I can't stand philosophical posturing because it has little to do with the real world. Theory is only justified if it can be used in practice. Talking in circles, weaving air into insubstantialities and calling it reason...even literary analysis has descended into that. I am not interested so much in how the artist puts his message across as in how that message is interpreted by the audience, and then acted upon.
Opinions have no innate value. Opinions remain cheap unless they are accompanied with real change. Increasing frustration nowadays at how little sticking power these opinions seem to have, to the extent that you can switch channels so easily. What is there to hold on to now? Change and flux are facts of life, how do you find anything to build a reality on in the flotsam of experience then?
Simple people are a refuge. Perhaps I too am searching for an innocence that I can borrow. Simplicity and simplistic-ness are different, mind. I search for the former, becoming increasingly hard to find these days, because therein lies perfection, I think. The simple constants of companionship, the simple pleasure of a lasting friendship. Perhaps now, the only constants that we can begin to rely on are people, and only in this elusive shared experience can we find a shadow of truth that we can build a life on. Thank God for the people I know outside the class, outside the school. Keeps things in perspective.
Yesterday watching Cash on Delivery. It was a hilarious production, the HCELDDFS really outdid themselves with this one. But the real highlight was to see the old people (Han, Joel, Yeowch, Matthew) acting and working on the old stage (that used to be where I worked too...), and then to go out with them later. It's really good to feel that the friendship hasn't been lost, that some things haven't yet changed. But it's all in a different context now, and there will be the concern that I am intruding on a new experience, an experienced shared by other people but not me. However, in the meantime, to grasp at the shadows, perhaps, of what used to be, and to see that at least on some level it continues to be so. It keeps things real, in the way that I am used to.
* * * * *
Hmm...seems like I dissolved into philosophical angst anyway at the end. But I hope that it's understandable. Maybe all I want to say is that sometimes life today seems too (good?) to be true. I seek some sincerity and frankness in other people, and I thank you that I can find it in you.
And So it is Finished
RJGE Euphony is over.
It was an excellent night, a positively miraculous night. Preceded by two days of positively nerve-wracking (self-imposed and infectious) stress. But when the concert was started, and there was nothing left to do but to sit back and let it run, it was excellent. Memorable.
Heh, I told myself that I would never stage manage again, because it's too close to directing, and there are all sorts of moral issues about ownership that I haven't figured out yet, and anyway it's terrible if you don't have a good team to work with. So imagine my mix of resignation, anticipation and horror when I found myself sinking into that all-too-familiar role of shouting out stage directions and tech cues at anyone who would listen. And to have only 2 days to work out all the tech cues and scene changes is a nightmarish experience. Next year, whoever is stage manager-ing had better start sooner, to protect his or her own health =P
But it was miraculous, like I said...in the end, two hours before the start of concert, we did our first full run of the second half. And we finished our second tech run of the first half one hour before concert start time. Really hectic, really nerve-wracking, to think that the concert itself with be our first full run of the entire shebang. I was convinced that something would screw up. Nervousness and agitated energy when half an hour before curtain time, we were changing into that familiar all-black SYF attire. Then, giving last instructions on backstage behaviour, my mind suddenly blanked, and I hecked it and just told them to have fun out there. Sitting behind the curtains, expecting the tech to screw up any moment, and realising that in stage-manager-ing for 2 days, I hadn't had the chance to practice any of the pieces.
But when it actually began, it went surprisingly well. Tech didn't screw up majorly at all. Somehow, despite our very few tech runs, they managed to figure out most of the cues. At least they didn't switch on the wrong mikes or spotlight the stagehands or something. And that was miraculous, given the little practice they had, and the screwed up wiring for the PAC stage. Multimillion-dollar school, and they can't connect the right wires to the right port. Where the heck did all that money go to? The false facades?
Special mention must go to our team of stagehands, including Ming Yong. Heh, it was hilarious to realise that he was stage-hand-ing for us. And the entire team was so hyped up for the two days of tech rehearsals, practically storming across the stage setting up chairs, footstools, music stands, amps, drums and more with precision timing. Heck, these stagehands are better than any props crew I've ever worked with =P All the Guitarists were really impressed...I was about to try to persuade them to work for us forever =P
I found myself gripped with stage fright when the curtains finally opened. Partly worrying about the tech, whether the hanging condensers they so nicely put up for us (originally wanted to use normal condensers, but the sound quality was so bad that I think the tech head had pity and decided to hang the powerful mikes, which was a real boon for us) would actually work, partly realising I was onstage without rehearsals in 2 days, and with a guitar that I borrowed from Ben and had not played on before to boot. First time that has happened...every time before, could draw comfort from the 50 people around me. So the first three big ensemble pieces, I fumbled through, trying not to hit the wrong strings.
Anyway, playing the pieces, changing quickly, then standing backstage behind the two really smooth MCs we got this year, Monish and Esther, watching as tech, stagehands, performers and MCs worked together and flowed through the concert. Mixed feelings, I guess...partly wanted to take over the cueing from the AV tech, but then I know that that would have been a mistake, because AV is a self-contained unit, and they work best with each other. Anyway, part of leadership, it is important to remember, is that you have to trust your teammates to be able to do the jobs you give them. So there was worry, lingering, but also pride, that they could work together so smoothly. It really is quite remarkable how everything fit in, given the really little time we had to tech run the concert. Seeing everything flow smoothly helped to steady my nerves, I think =P
So after that, could perform better. So Nice was really nice, according to the audience =P The dialogue bits that I had to add in actually came out alright, I think...something happens when you start to enjoy the stage, suddenly you can do all sorts of superconscious things, like talking and keeping a rhythm simultaneously. Hehheh, anyway, I really liked So Nice. Really fun to play on stage, with all the gags that we built in, and anyway, throughout SYF, then Camp, then Euphony, the comm really has drawn together. What better thing is there than to appear on a stage with a group of great performers that also happened to be your friends?
Ah...the Exco...a brilliant bunch of people to work with. For these two weeks, I've been looking forward to our draggy concert planning meetings, because they are a really nice change from Humans people. It's refreshing...I'll miss the feeling of working with such frank, unassuming people, especially when Term 3 starts and I'll have no official excuse to work with them anymore. We grew on each other, I guess, from the time last year when we took over. I think the comm really blossomed this year, when we suddenly found ourselves without the need to assiduously pander to school formalities. Last year, we were too bogged down by bureaucratic admin issues to actually do anything big. This year, freed from such unnecessary obligations, we had SYF, a Camp, and a concert. It's brilliant to see us all suddenly taking up the challenge, and handling it so coherently too.
Anyway. Back to the concert...the last few songs. Now I felt better, now that the first half had gone off without big hitches, and the two high-tech groups, the Rock Performance (that sounded brilliant, and the crowd loved it) and Hotel California (that sounded brilliant too...and I loved it as much as the crowd, was humming the riffs backstage even as we were straightening out an emergency chair shortage =P) had happened smoothly. And Quien Sera is just a fun song to play...you get to whack away at the guitar with easy rhythms and chords. And the finale was really quite moving. I never paid much attention to the lyrics before, but when I heard Chern and Terence singing it last night, it suddenly hit me, the significance of You Raise Me Up as the last song the Main Ensemble would play together. Looking around at all the faces of the Guitarists, so solemn and intense (but you guys really should smile more =P), and suddenly was filled with pride. These are the Guitarists.
And I daresay that we actually got a real encore, originating from the front of the audience. Or if it was a plant, then a Junior Ensemble person had infiltrated himself well =P Anyway, was really quite a shock, because once the first call for encore rang out, suddenly the whole auditorium dissolved into calls and cheers. I was worried that things would get awkward, like at the HC concert, but this was one last nice surprise for the night (the others being the miraculous appearance of our brilliant banner outside the PAC, put there by the JE, and the miracle of the tech). And so we played for the last time, the last official song of the RJGE Main Ensemble 2004-5: Yesterday Once More.
When the curtains slipped close, there was a strange mix of emotions. Relief that the concert had finally ended, and without hitches. Pride that everyone, the comm, the performers, the stagehands, the tech crew, the MCs, had managed to pull it off so smoothly. And a profound sadness, because I had known that Euphony was the last official event for my batch, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about it before that last moment on stage.
It really is quite sad, that Guitar has come to an end. I'm going to miss the trainings every Tue, Wed and Sat. Life is going to seem so aimless now that all those short-term goals have been cleared, and all that's left to work towards is ephemeral and distant. For all the rough patches last year, this year has really seen RJGE blossom into something great, something memorable. I know I'm getting sentimental, but bear with me a bit. Yes...a lot of people have born with me for a long time in Guitar too =P It's an incredible feeling, to feel like you're part of something greater, that you've made a difference to something that will outlast your tenure in the school. The only thing now is that I hope each and every Guitarist also feels the same way. That we've made a difference to the Ensemble. That we've transformed it into something that belongs to us. Together. And that this difference will persist. I only hope that it has been as enriching for everyone else as it has been for me.
Anyway, with the curtains closing and the house lights coming up, I couldn't resist anymore. The stage burst out into cheers, and what euphoria. For all the good memories of CHS EDrama, I daresay we never felt so high after a performance before. I think it's partly because Drama is really more exhausting. A flurry of hugs and handshakes and photo takings, mingling with the crowd, getting a mound of flowers (heh, exaggeration for effect). My thanks to Yvonne, YS, Grace and Yiting for coming for the performance. It was a real pleasure to see everyone there. But yea...it was a real happy feeling. We had pulled it off. Our tenure of RJGE had culminated with this successful concert. There was a feeling of completion.
And so that is finished. I don't really know what I feel right now. I suppose Guitar will become a memory as strong and as precious as EDrama. I reckon that any CCA that I join from now on will be hard pressed to beat these two great experiences. All in all, it has doubtlessly been an enriching experience. And our time is coming to an end. But perhaps there is some hope that this will not be the end, but the beginning of a different kind of membership. At any rate, I will remember Guitar, for all that we've been through. I hope everyone will upload photos. I'll be waiting for them, and the great notes I got yesterday, and my guitar, my footstool, my scores, to keep me company in the days ahead.
Rock on Guitarists.
And thank you.
Concerts
Heh that's right Kueh...20 min. It was like a huge crowd laying siege to their booth, quite a sight to behold. Which is why I count myself lucky to end up with a ticket for the Friday night performance. I heard there were people willing to buy tix for $20, double the actual price. Heh, there's scope to start a black market over this kind of thing =P
Anyway, Dance Night was good stuff, better than last year's one, in my opinion. Part of it must be because of the tiny venue...makes things much more personal, and you can see all sorts of details in the dances - little moves, costume embroidery, the expressions on the dancers' faces. That in fact turns out to be quite important. If dancing is poetry in motion, then the meaning does lie in the detail too.
This year's Dance Night seems more...meaningful. More artistic. Last year most of the dances just struck me as chains of aesthetically pleasing movements, the dancer's equivalent of purple prose, I guess. The dance I remember from last year was the moon dance, because there was a clearly apparent meaning. This year's one had more dances like that, I think. More interpretable meaning.
The modern dances were breathtaking as usual with their energy, and the ballet pieces showed good technique. But it's the pieces with stories that struck the deepest. Ling's tap dancing comedy piece, for one =P Slapstick, but it was movement for a clearly visible reason. And then there was their SYF piece, designed, as they said themselves, "to put everyone in a pensive mood". The only trouble, I think, was that it came at the end of the concert, when I would rather have preferred to be in a high mood =P It involved all the dancers dressed in white and green, the guys barechested and lugging around these enormous bamboo poles. The girls weaving in and out between them, walking flatfooted and with rhythmic clapping. Then there was the chief/priestess figure sitting serenely on a bamboo pole being borne aloft by two guys.
I thought that the piece was about a seaside tribe and the mutability of reality. Seemed to me that the dancers were by turns birds and fishes. And when they came out with these sheaves of rattan and started waving them about, I thought it was branches waving in the wind, and then waves rolling in the sea. And at the end of the piece, the chief/priestess dons a mask, which I saw as a pseudo-religious gesture commenting on the origins of human belief. All in all quite a postmodernist take on the piece.
The programme booklet describes it as a dance about the simplicity and rhythm of an agrarian society living in a bamboo forest. And I ask myself, why didn't I think of that? =P
I think the most striking piece of the night, though, was the one with the cheongsam Shanghai women. Started with this excellent tableau of ten women in seductive poses, set to 1930s squeaky Shanghai music. The women sauntered slowly across the stage, going through the pleasantries when they met each other. And then, when the music switched to this soulful voilin piece, they started a really slow and solemn dance sequence, ending with the powerful image of them all gathered on DSR leaning forward, as if gazing after a departing lover. Then the music switched back, and they were back to their pleasantries.
Really quite a powerful piece of drama, I think. It wasn't flamboyant...probably because in a restrictive cheongsam, you really can't move around much. I think it was precisely this understated movement and slowness that made the dance so strong. It was all in the detail...the sway of the hips, the slight smile, the little handbag toted like a weapon. The power lay in the stillness, in the precision of each step. These women communicated much because of their restriction.
Heh I don't know precisely why suddenly I've developed such a taste for Dance Night. Partly I think it's cos there's a lot more of a dramatic element in this year's dance night. Was telling Vaish that RP should learn from the cheongsam dance how to put up a good drama, as opposed to their forte, a good comedy. But it's also because I've come to see dancers as more than just bodies in motion. An art form that is very much like drama, except much more physically strenuous, and not much difference in terms of mental stress either. It's the impression that there is meaning to be plumbed behind every move. And if drama is hard enough to interpret, then dance is even more of a challenge. A challenge that I'm only just beginning to appreciate.
* * * * *
Anyway, preparations for "Euphony" are well under way. Just spent the whole of today typing out Guitar stuff...a detailed set of stage manager's notes, the MC script and a thank-you note for HCI's Guitar Club. And the whole of yesterday virtually given over to Guitar prac and the tech running of the first half of the concert. It's gratifying to see that as the time approaches for the concert, everyone's really coming together. Musically, we have a show going, I think. The small groups are really working hard with their pieces, and the big ensemble pieces are really entertaining. At least from where I sit.
The biggest problem now, as always with a staged event, I think, is the tech side of things. It's important for the stagehands and AV techs to know what to do at what point in time, and I'm rather concerned that we didn't manage to get a tech rehearsal in any earlier than Saturday. That's partly because the PAC is booked until Sat for Dance Night; another symptom of the bad timing of the concert. As it is, we'll have tomorrow afternoon and a bit of time before the actual thing on Tuesday to finalise all the tech stuff, which is, sad to say, quite complicated.
Moving things is bad enough already. We not only have a 51-strong ensemble to handle, but we also haev 15 small group items, 3 of which require amps in a rock-band setting, and one of which (the Exco item) requires props and percussion. And with only 8 stagehands to play with, things are going to be quite tight, I think. And then there's lights and sound, always the weakest link in a concert. Lights aren't that complicated...they just have to fiddle with stage lights, house lights, lights for the apron stage and a spotlight for the MCs. But sound is really a headache waiting to happen, with 4 wireless mikes and a total of 6 condensers to switch on and off.
I'm hoping that tomorrow's tech rehearsal will go smoothly. We really need to try running through the entire concert once at least, twice if we can handle it. As it is we aren't going to have a dress rehearsal. We're really short on time. And I hope at least that we'll get the tech down to pat.
I was actually thinking of playing around with the lights for a bit, to add cinematic/dramatic effects to the concert. Then thought better of it, since the AV techs aren't familiar with the PAC systems, and we haven't had tech runs in the actual place yet. I'll bet that we've got enough headaches already to deal with tomorrow. Will add any dramatic flair, if needed, through the MCs.
Anyway, though, througout all this stress and rush, I actually find that I quite like it. At least it's a legitimate respite from Humans essays, of which I have three waiting to pounce on me once the concert ends. But in the time being, it's nice to be working for something that's not related to academics. Heh, I find that I can spend the whole day typing out 17 pages of stage directions, but I can't bring myself to write an intro for a hist essay. So much for me being a Humans student, eh...
Speaking of which...was thinking of whether to tell Purvis what I think about my own writing, but I figure that it'll only sound arrogant or self-defensive, either of which won't help me to put my case across at all. At any rate, right now I have more important things to do. And anyway, seriously, I don't really think it's all that crucial, really. I need to be convinced that it's important not to have Purvis have the wrong impression of me. At any rate, respect and admiration aside, it's rather sickening at times to see the special treatment that we give him. There's only so much that can avoid being ascribed to hypocrisy, in my opinion.
But enough of that. Every time I write of him I seem to get bitter =P Off to continue Guitar stuff...yes, it's a real relief. I wonder what I'll do once the Concert is over. It's quite a fearful prospect, actually.
Stopover
Anticipatory
a white sheet of paper
an unlined sketchbook
the word "you"
a finger on the light switch
clear glass
Well, been busy yet. Concert preparations entering their last phase, and we only have half a week left till the 17th. Quite cool, cos we managed to sell out all the tix after 4 days of sales, and there's still leftover demand, people wanting more tix than we have. We beat Chorale, I think =) But to be fair, we probably only have half their tix to sell at most. And of course, Dance just demoralises us all...selling out in twenty minutes is positively obscene. Yeah...having such a small venue can be annoying in its own way. Just not enough space to make it really epic.
Anyway, every morning going to look for the Exco to prac our small group piece. And it's coming together quite well, actually. On Mon was suddenly overtaken by this feeling of dread because of all the administrative loose ends waiting to be tied up, and the state of our piece. But it's been getting better...now it's all positively hilarious =P But I won't elaborate too much on it here. It's just really fun to prac the piece with them. We certainly have a few aces up our sleeves for this year's concert. 'Nuff said (as a side note, to see this expression in a set of Hist notes is quite disturbing...).
I think this year's concert is going to be a better experience than last year. Partly cos we're more directly involved in it...last year, only two pieces to play, and spent most of the time offstage stoning. This year, six pieces and much more excitement and variety. I'm hoping that the programme will be more appealing to the audience...variety like this was precisely the thing that I was hoping to see emerge. But also partly cos of the time that's running out. After Tue, there won't be any more big things for Guitar's senior batch. Zip. Nada. It'll feel exceedingly weird not to have Guitar prac every other day. And this feeling of an impending end does make one sit up and appreciate what's left of the time, I think.
Ah well, it's a good way to end, I guess...with quite a big bang. The SYF gold, the successful camp, and now we're on the brink of what I hope will be our last and biggest coup, "Euphony". There are worse ways to end off, and to end off doing something that everyone can have fun at, and something that will entertain, is not a bad way to go. Part of me, though, still wishes that this week will never end. It's really been fun, all this Guitar stuff. Even with the tiny PAC stage, the administrative tangles, the hectic prac schedule, and the millions of things that we still have to do (tech runs on Sat and Mon...urgh).
But yeah...increasingly it feels like I'm coming to school just to wait for the time to start Guitar prac. Lessons are becoming decidedly humdrum...much too much talking I think. Sometimes I can't avoid getting annoyed, because there's a lot of static around the classroom. I always think that if you have nothing to say, then don't say anything. But then again, we're all caught up in this great social game that we all must play...go through the motions, a la Virginia Woolf. A rather sickening niceness, sometimes. It just gets really tiresome after a while. Feeling increasingly short-tempered in class, and feeling too that this is an uncharitable response, particularly towards the fairer sex. Probably this is how they're used to behaving.
Hmm...also lots of relationship stuff coming up again. It's such a risky business, isn't it? To hold someone else's heart in your hand, and even scarier, to surrender yours to someone else's whim and fancy. I find myself in a rather strange position. But I guess my lack of experience does produce a strange and novel way to look at this kind of thing. Heh, but I know it's making me think what I'm missing out. Though I'm still far from convinced that the formalisation of friendship in a BGR is actually worth the trouble.
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Anyway, just read Kels' entry about the shortfalls of modern lit. Heh, personally I think the main drawback about modern lit is that it was created so recently. The classics have a certain prestige attached to them because they stood up to the test of time. So to some extent you can assume a classic that everyone still reads is good. Modern lit doesn't have that luxury. But I still think there's plenty of value in it.
To be sure, much of it is quite hollow. But then one cannot assume that all novels written in the 18th and 19th centuries were all masterfully crafted. Time sorts the chaff out, and in modern lit, there's still lots of chaff left, that's all. When a modern writer sincerely has something to say, he can use the techniques and devices as adeptly as a classical writer. The trouble is that most modern writers are merely repeating what others say, the flavour of the month, as it were. But now and then you come across a gem, something that stands out because it is written with originality that breeds sincerity. Atonement is a nice example...something modern, but still powerful, as Mel is discovering. I want to find the time to start on it for Lit S.
But to be fair, modern lit can be bewildering, with the new approaches like stream-of-consciousness and variable structures. And the influence of postmodern thought, absurdism and all those cheem concepts. The best writers today seem to be unsure of what they're supposed to be saying, and what they're actually saying. And there's a lot more consciousness of the perceptive gap between reader, book and writer now. But if the approaches and the messages are different, does that mean that they are inferior? No, I don't think so. There are modern books and poems worth reading, and there are classical works that are not. They're just different. Whether one is better or not is more or less a personal preference issue.
Me, I find that modern lit is striking in that it is so frank and unabashed about the ambiguity and fluctuation in the world that we live in. The lack of constants and conventions in modern writing reflects the environment we all work within. To that extent, modern lit seems more truthful to me, or rather it reflects the truth that is currently the most convincing version of a world-view that I have encountered. To that extent, Hardy and Conrad are appealing too, the former talking about the lack of a benevolent fate, and the latter talking about the Heart of Darkness, the superficiality and vanity of human endeavours at civilisation. They use different conventions to say it, but in the end are they not saying the same thing? Talking about the same world-view, just as McEwan talks about the perceptive gap in the writing process?
Heh, interesting questions...sounds like something to do in Lit S. But not before we finish the Guitar concert, I'm afraid...
Busy Week
Bleah...this is terrible. Real life has been eating up all my online time...preparing homework, preparing for the Concert, talking to real people. Heh, I'm sorry that I'm neglecting my virtual audience (hmm...so much is implied by that term). Real life is just more interesting, I'm afraid.
Just so I don't forget, a list of things for future blogging opportunities:
1. Post-SYF Dinner
2. Guitar Camp
3. Practice for the Finale song
4. HCJC Concert
Most of this week's been taken up by Guitar stuff, as you can see. Been chugging away at churning out a programme booklet design for the Concert, and just finished what should be the final draft. It's actually not that bad. It's not even tedious...I prefer it to real essay work any day =P The design and conceptualisation process, all the technical stuff, everything's rather interesting to me. Maybe it's because so much of it is novel. But to combine IT and photography and literature in creating a corporeal product that will have emotional significance for lots of people later is definitely worthwhile.
Perhaps design is something of a forte on my part. Well, at least I like doing it. But the person who's really good at it is Greg. He knows how to use the pro programmes for 3D rendering and all that fancy stuff. I'm using a free trial of Ulead PhotoImpact. Not as advanced as PhotoShop, but it'll do. And I've been spending the last two hours exporting a high-res version of the programme booklet design. I knew printers required high resolution to print nicely, but 700 dpi was way out of my original expectations of 300. Which means now I've got a 600MB picture sitting on my hard disk. Really, it's prodigious. My comp was hardly powerful enough to export such a big file to begin with. As it was, it took hours to do it. And it's not even a particularly colourful file...it's just big in terms of dimensions.
Oh well...I reckon the next week will see Guitar stuff continue to dominate. On the one hand, I really don't mind...the notion of hanving a corporeal immediate goal to work towards that is not academic in nature is a nice feeling...gives you a reason to go to school every day. But then there's always the nagging feeling of all those essays hanging over my head. Managed to clear Lit essays on Labour Day, rather aptly, I have to say. But there's still 1 E Hist, 1 Hist S and 1 Lit S essay pending. Not to mention all the math homework (which, I have to admit, is rather relaxing, a kind of respite from all that reading for the Hist homework). But all the same, I'm determined to engross myself with Guitar stuff. Our term is coming to an end, and the Concert will be the last big thing we do, our batch of Guitarists. And homework will always come...this Concert is only going to happen once. It's clear where I should put my attention, isn't it? =P
It seems too that with things coming to an end, and coming to an end on the high note that SYF left us in, we're beginning to really enjoy Guitar. At least I am, and I hope everyone else is too. Guitar is something to look forward to nowadays. Partly it's because there's so little of it left, but also SYF and the Camp have brought out lots of wonderful things in the other Guitarists that I hadn't seen before. Couple that with the push factor of the mundanity of class life (as it stands right now at any rate), and class time is merely a formality to get to the real meat of every day...Concert prac.
I do have more to talk about on our Concert preparations, but preparing for the thing must take priority over talking about preparing for it. So the rest...till another time.
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Kingdom of Heaven is actually a really good movie. I thought that it was some kind of fantasy LOTR-type flick, which wouldn't have been bad, except that it's been done already. But as a portrayal of the Crusades, I have to say that it was intriguing...and boldly honest. While talking about this religious topic, the film managed to avoid passing a biased judgment on any one faith. If anything, it was evenly anti-religious as a whole. And it's quite understandable...seeing those troops going to war in the name of religious fervour is sickening, in that the rank and file are driven by a religious zeal that is warped all out of proportion by an elite that would exploit religion for political ends.
Yeah, the striking thing was that the movie was a statement against Religion, rather than against any particular one. And with religion taken to those extremes, I can't see how it's rationally defensible. And yes, religion isn't a rational matter, but to separate the two so exclusively is a mistake. It allows Crusades to happen. And it is clear that religion can be a dangerous thing if you don't think about it. Once again, having faith does not excuse you from thinking about why you believe. I can see why people like Purvis would be afraid of (or ambivalent towards) Christianity...the Crusades would have been fearsome to anyone from this day and age. And yet, it seems incomprehensible how people could have swallowed the crap that the elite came up with. If someone tried to justify a political grab at power by religion nowadays, he wouldn't emerge unscathed, let alone victorious. Or at least I'd like to think so.
Lots of blood in that movie. After a while you realise that death is death, no matter what is used to justify it, or who delivers it. And at the end of the movie, Saladin challenges the Crusader Baron to raze Jerusalem: "I wonder if it would be better if you did [destroy the city]", and then, "What is Jerusalem worth?" "Nothing. Everything." It really is a rather humanistic approach to the Crusades. In the end, after the religious warmongers had been dispatched by the Saracens, the Baron is left to defend Jerusalem, for everyone, Jews, Muslims and Christians, much to the chagrin of the bishop.
Heh, anyway, it was a welcome break from everything to go watch that movie...class politics, schoolwork, even Guitar. And I haven't seen a movie in a heck of a long time. It felt good to be in a movie seat again, smelling popcorn, immersed in larger-than-life sensory input, and watching the audience as much as the movie. A break from real life then, in order to reposition oneself to take another look at real life. Have to do that again, and soon, before the term is out.
SYF Gold
It's been a hectic weekend, that for sure =) Taken up almost exclusively by Guitar, what with the madness that we imposed on ourselves...a Guitar camp directly after our SYF. But it turned out good...far better than I'd expected. Just goes to show yet again that some things will just take care of themselves, and you really don't need to worry about too many things.
Hmm...SYF day began in a trance, almost. Actually came to school on time in the expectations of attending a Hist lec, but technical glitches doomed that to postponement, so more or less a few hours' more sleep was lost. The first two hours then were passed in impatience...SYF does that to you, you really don't feel like doing anything unrelated to the competition right before it is due to happen.
The next four hours was spent in the most relaxed pre-SYF prep time ever. Heh, it was a bit weird...back in CHS EDrama we would be panicking the night before due to unfinished things, undetermined variables and the reliably buggy tech side. But not only was Wed an off day for Guitar, but four hours before departing for the SCH, we only had three pracs, and spent the rest of the time joking around, taking photos, relaxing, eating lunch and changing into our costumes. Hehheh, I think I could learn to like this approach to SYF...the lack of variables that could go wrong at a moment's notice does help =P And there was this psyche-up speech delivered by good old Shaun to the background of therapeutic piano music, which I thought was well choreographed given the timely crescendos, except that the music wasn't guitar music =P
On the bus ride there, everyone was getting really high. Someone started off the school song, and before we knew it, Nick was adding the AC one, the SJI people had broken out in theirs, and I added a few lines of "hai tian liao kuo etc etc" =P And yet, it wasn't really nervous energy...just happiness, perhaps, at getting out of school, and finally facing the challenge that we had been preparing for for months now. Actually, a few of them found the time to take forty winks, which was something unheard of in Drama SYFs, though thinking back now perhaps a pre-show nap would have been a good idea...
In the SCH, we found a corner to dump our cases, and suddenly there appeared boxes of chocolates, to complement the sweets and section presents that we had been passing around in school (smiley shoelaces! and a box of kisses from Cheryl, ex-Guitarist and now in Harmoc, which I thought was really considerate of them), and I only remember thinking what a good thing we weren't Chorale =P I'd passed my digicam to Stephanie, one of the junior helpers roped in to assist us in taking care of our stuff while we were performing, and she promptly went off snapping photos, some of them which were pretty good, actually. I'll post them up...eventually. Heh, I realise that I really have a backlog of photos, stretching back to Texprog. Bleah...probably need a day or two to completely upload them.
Into the tuning room, then, and twelve minutes of hectic activity as we tried to electronically tune fifty guitars with seven or eight electronic tuners. SRJC's self-encouraging message was pressed into service when someone rubbed off the first letter...I actually thought that one of our competitors had been really considerate in leaving a note for us =P Anyway, we managed to squeeze in an impromptu practice of the two songs, and that, I think, was the point when the tension began to build. Because when you're in the tuning room, you're only twenty or so minutes away from appearing onstage.
We were then shuttled upstairs to wait outside the auditorium for our turn. And that was when the big shock of the day came...I was experimentally strumming on my guitar when I discovered that the second string was catastrophically out of tune. I don't really know how that happened...must have knocked the tuning pegs against a door jamb or something. But that moment was terrifying...had to start tuning by ear, impromptu, while trying to hide it from the officials, cos you aren't allowed to play anything outside the auditorium. Which would probably account for my jumpiness when we were ushered into backstage. Managed to salvage the tuning, but I was blabbing away under my breath all the things that we had to take note of when playing. Heh, I gotta thank my fellow Guitarists for not socking me unconscious =P
Anyway, going onstage and taking my position. It wasn't that bad, really...the auditorium was less full than I'd thought. And everything was fully lit, so you could see everything rather unambiguously. And we were all together onstage...there really isn't the same pressure that an actor will experience when all attention is focused on him. Less variables in Guitar SYF. Nevertheless, the Aria was quite terrifying, cos suddenly my mind was wiped clean of what I was supposed to do for the Aria. I was more or less playing by instinct, blindly, unthinkingly, and trying to hide my shivering in my vibratos =P I only thank God that I discovered the tuning error outside; to go onstage with an untuned guitar would have been disastrous, infinitely more so than a case of nerves.
But 'Take the A Train' was fantastic, I thought. Our rendition on stage was the most convincing and fun one that we've ever done, I think. You could really feel the grooving and the moving, and it was rather intriguing to feel all that nervousness just get stripped away by the song and the playing. Everyone grooving together, and really enjoying themselves. Heh, I think that's the most fun time I've had on stage in a long time. At least since last year's Guitar concert =P It's the first time that I was totally immersed in playing music on stage...I guess some things are just constant whenever you appear on a stage, no matter what you're actually doing. I feel like we really performed that day.
Heh, I couldn't resist a little cheer of congratulations when we were almost out into the lobby again =P At that point in time, I actually felt really confident about our chances...it seemed that Gold was secured, and that we had a fighting chance for Gold with Honours. Dropped off our stuff, then everyone returned to the auditorium to watch the last guitar ensemble, TJC, play.
By some strange coincidence, they played Dance of the Yao. And rather fantastically too, I think. It was really really fast, almost inhumanly so...it's the speed at which Chinese orchestras play the song, and to do that on a guitar is no mean feat. I'd actually thought that it was impossible, from the time when we were playing it for last year's concert. All in all quite an impressive performance, helped by the sheer skill of the players and the added depth and range of the Niibori guitars (for the uninitiated, Niiboris are to guitar ensembles what choirs are to singers). The only problem I think was the sheer loudness of the percussion...the cymbals really overrode all the guitars in one fell swoop. The second time the percussionist raised his cymbals, everyone in the front block of the auditorium covered their ears, which, as Jes said, is not a good sign for any musical group =P
TJC was really very good with the Dance of the Yao, but as it turned out, they weren't the only surprise that night, as the SYF people suddenly unveiled two harp ensembles. Really quite a surprise. I had never heard a harp live before, let alone a dozen or so at once. Quite interesting, the sound that a harp ensemble makes. And the movement of the players were all really graceful. Maybe playing an instrument with the curves and the scale of a harp necessarily forces you to be graceful. Maybe harps need a certain level of stature to be played properly, so the grace is part of the playing. Ian says that the harp is a sexist instrument; personally, I'm not complaining. You ever seen a man playing a harp before? =P
Oh well, after that was done, all that was left to do was to wait for the judges to come back with the results. At least this time the judges actually had experience in the field they were judging, all of them being high flying musical types. One only hopes that at least one of them played the guitar professionally. But anyway, everyone was caught up in the delicious anticipation of the results. Not exactly going berserk, but the tension was evident. Me, I quitel liked the experience, really. After going through a few of this kind of competition, you learn to appreciate every moment. And anyway, from all that we'd gained through the process of preparing for SYF, I didn't really think that what we actually got in terms of the award actually mattered. What was at stake was a gold, to be sure, but also more than a gold. And we had already secured the experience for ourselves, which was more than half the battle won. So the wait was really only an exercise in patience and tension.
Well, the rest is, as they say, history. We were awarded a Gold, along with quite a few other ensembles. Nothing lower than a Silver was awarded, and I found myself rather surprised that my impulse prediction that TJ would get an Honours actually came through. It seems, though, that this Honours thing is going to be really coveted. There seems to be only one Honours for each round of judging - the ultimate top prize. But at any rate, I think that the Gold was fantastic. After the previous two times in EDrama with nothing more than a Silver, this was quite an improvement, I think. And anyway, like I said, the award was only the icing on top of a fantastic cake that we'd already had in preparing for SYF. All those late meetings, the planning, the practices, the conducting by Mr. Gaspar, the learning of techniques, the learning to feel the music, really playing it all on stage when the time came, seeing everyone enjoy themselves, seeing new friendships made and old ones reinforced, indeed, to have a concrete and well-defined goal to work towards. All these were worth more than any old certificate. Though arguably we could use the prize money =P
I was wondering whether I should have congratulated TJ's players before the results came out. I thought better of it at the time because it would have seemed too weird. But thinking back now, I think that there would have been no harm. It's not often that I get psychic insights, and it's best to make the most of them when they do occur =P
The bus ride back was rather zany. When we filed out of the auditorium, we were quite muted, really. Considering that we did get a Gold too. We must have been the most silent ensemble in the whole auditorium. That, I thought, was quite odd...like in an uncharacteristic fit of humility RJ people were not glorying in the achievement that they actually earned for themselves and really deserved. An improvement is an improvement, however you look at it. And we all knew that we put in our best, and avoided any regrets that could have been coming. But then, on the ride back, suddenly the fact that we got Gold started to sink in, and we all broke into song again. Me and Ben whipped out guitars and started strumming all the songs we could think of, and we proceeded yowling all the way back to school =) We were really high...even Mr Lai joined in with the Captain Planet song =P Hehheh, it's rare that you see so many people so genuinely happy at the same time. It really is quite infectious.
The celebrations continued into the night, but I think I'll write about them another time. This entry has already ballooned beyond what I intended =P And there's still the entire camp to give an account of! But yes, it has been a good weekend. It's nice to have something well-defined to work towards, something to look forward to. And while to have so many things squashed into three weeks may seem to be quite stressful (heck, it is quite stressful!) but I guess we J2s must enjoy it while it lasts. Our time in Guitar is coming to an end, and I think the SYF was a really nice way to begin the end, at any rate. It's time to enjoy whatever is remaining of our time in a really great ensemble. I think I can start to look back with the same nostalgia as when I talk about EDrama. It comes with the feeling that you've contributed concretely to shaping this ensemble, that somehow, through the collective effort, you've made a difference, and you now own a stake.
Heh, it was with a bit of guilt that I succumbed to self-indulgence in this entry. Reading Kels' really insightful and analytical LJ entries does that to you, makes you feel like you should be writing with that kind of rigour, just because she can do it all the time =P Ah well, it's a high standard worth aspiring to, and I want to enter the literary fray with Atonement and Gut Symmetries as soon as possible. But gotta get all the work out of the way first...lots of Hist stuff remaining, and a Lit S essay. Now that the Guitar weekend is over, it's time to pick up where I left off rather unceremoniously on Wed =P
And we still have the concert in two weeks to prepare for. It's gonna be tight...not only for the musical side, but for the publicity material. I gotta come up with a workable programme booklet design! That I don't mind doing, really, except for its disruptive effect on everything else. Bleah...if only we had the luxury of worrying about one thing at a time...
Anyway, here's a shout out for RJCO and Chorale! All the best for your SYFs! May it be at least as fun as what we had, and do note the important things that you've gained in the process. Put that award in perspective, and enjoy the ride!
