New Year's Eve
Bewilderment
31 Dec '04
What are these looks
Feather touches
Bumps in total innocence
Smiles and glimpses
Stolen from the chalk cliffs of our
Memory
Fossilised
Valued only because we were looking for them
What are these moments
These sparkles and flashes of insight
Taken like nectar air from the bubbles
Of the fearsome tsunami of our lonely lives
What are these surreptitious caresses
This shower of innocent arrows
This trust and openness
This intimacy that forces us to consider
The dynamite of frankness and truth
The atom bomb in a friend's arsenal
That sometimes cannot be brandished?
* * * * *
Well yes, I realise that I'd probably be really inept in Aceh or Sri Lanka or Tamil Nadu right now. But all I want is some way to help, to do my best. And now that I've seen the Red Cross boxes, there's an avenue that's open. And I just got a call from the Red Cross asking for donations on my home phone. Apparently my mum's already given quite a chunk of cash. I think I'll dig into those Christmas ang paos.
* * * * *
Well, this year has been an incredible one, I have to say. Now that we're on the last day of the year, I guess it's kind of tradition to look back now.
This year, I find myself in a whole new type of experience, with the social aspect of life taking the front seat. I guess it's something that could only happen now, with the established social base from my time in secondary school, and the separations and rearrangements that occured with the shift to junior colleges. It's created situations that are really revealing the joys and the complications of friendships.
I guess from the start I was quite intimidated by all of this...I remember writing that I was determined that JC life did not develop into an elongated Frexprog scenario. And with the novelty of co-ed, coupled with the repeated dumping back into the "minority" (from CHS) and the strange expat teachers, there was quite a lot to worry about. Heh, and I gotta admit that for the first month, I had no idea how to handle the OGs or the new class. Do you guys remember my complaints over on FOD? =P Hmm...they continued for quite a while, but after the first term, I just realised that the situation kind of grows on you...and you adapt, you know, to the new scenario. You learn to accept other people, and to live with their idiosyncracies.
And so, after the first hiccups, everything neatly fell into place. And it has been an uphill ride ever since, with new experiences surprising me whenever I started to get bored, and new people and friends that greatly enriched my months in J1. Delightful or uncomfortable, all the experiences this year have been worth it. And I'm glad that I've got such good friends to experience everything with me, and as it were, to forge into this unknown territory together. My sincere thanks goes out to you guys, at the end of this wonderful year that you have effectively shared with me.
First, there's the Humans classes. Yep, all three of them, forming in reality one family. There are some really interesting characters in Humans, and while some are really quite weird, and others I found unpleasant to begin with, it's nice to be among people who share the same academic interests and passions. And the hidden talents among our flock, and the idealisms and eccentricities floating around, and the warmth and enthusiasm with which 1A organises class outings is...entertaining, to say the least =P Sure, there have been bad times, but I guess it all comes with the experience. And special mention to 13A for their explosive zany-ness that really sets the colour of the whole cohort! And to end it all off with somethingood...not bad, in the way of a bang, after all =)
And then there're the Guitar guys, and for a short while, the RP guys too. Hmm...I would have liked to know more of you better, and the leadership position is just annoying at times with how it interferes with grassroots interactions, but it feels good to be working in this team. Heh...the guitar is really a fun instrument to play, and there are fun people to play with, so what more could one really expect? =P And RP...well, I didn't agree with how the play was put up, but it felt really good to be back on the stage again. Heh, and with the new facilities available in the new RJ (what a beauty of a stage we have!), I've got the old itch coming back =P Ah well, Guitar's concert and Lysis were moments to remember. Sharing a stage with friends is something worth remembering.
Then there're the people I met in Pre U Sem. Heh...all the formalities were irritating, and there were awkward moments (especially after my 'incisive question' backfired), but these people really widened my horizons. Now I'm even more fully convinced that the hope for progress in Singapore will not come from the top JCs, and I really don't think that's a bad thing at all. Heh...all those meals on the stools in the hall, the small room, the innane group activities, the fiery plenums and presentations, and that final night in the lounge evading capture by the prowling teachers à la action-hero...those were great moments to remember =P It was a real privilege to meet such a diverse group of people from so many backgrounds. Definitely a well-needed humbling experience.
And who could forget the people in CAP? Ahh...spending one week with no concern except literature and writing and kabuki, surrounded by fellow actors and writers. Even though that wily sci-fi woman from Britain did steal my sketchbook, and some of the writer-mentors did seem to have rather naive views of Singapore literature, other moments and people did make up for it and go beyond to make it a wonderful experience. From the witty (or lame, depending on your tastes =P) banter of Stonehenge, to the daily dose of aCAPella, to the moments in Kabuki rehearsal, to writing short stories on the spur of the moment, to our night in the haunted corridor, to the final day's harrowing impromptu Kabuki performance...yes, how I wish that I could just concentrate on writing and dump all the other subjects =P And I'm glad that the friendships we forged are still enduring.
Heh, and we get to the Frexprog and, most importantly, the Texprog people. Wow, what a month in July-August! Heh...on one hand, it was cool to be able to repeat at least part of Frexprog again, this time with new players in eerily familiar roles, and on the other hand, it was a delight to welcome a new experience with similar threads connecting it to the old Frexprog. It was the new facets and the surprising continuities that made the Frexprog-Texprog experience so unique. And it was fun to be in that frame of mind again, putting as much as possible aside so that we could entertain the visitors properly, and unwittingly discover more about Singapore in the process. That night at the Esplanade before the show, the surprising day at the Istana, that visit to the Evangelical church, the National Day stayover, all those afternoons after school and the last two nights...they were totally exciting, and still send shivers up my back =) It was great to be in an exchange programme again, and it was a decided privilege to be able to combine the two programmes. I feel that I'm really blessed to be able to be involved in both at the same time.
And finally, the Texprog experience this hols. Wow. It was not only an incredible trip, surpassing all my expectations, but it went a long way in putting ghosts to rest. Well, there were moments when boredom and despair took hold, and the Hualian trip cancellation was a real pity, but what we managed to fill up the time with and the sneak into the timetable was really rewarding, I think. Meeting Young and Yvonne's really excitable class, the walks along the river, playing A Gei on the comp, chatting with Young's family, the evening at Chiang Kai Shek, all the bus and train rides, the amusement park, the last night in Taipei...this list is really not exhaustive =P But basically, I'm really glad that this time, the experience was shared by so many friends on the trip. It was really the people who defined this exchange programme. And I hope very much that next year, I'll have a chance to go back.
Heh well...looking at what I've written so far, it's really quite an impressive chunk of sentimental trash =P But I think that all these experiences really need to be acknowledged, because they really formed the tapestry of this year for me, and alot of them were experiences that I had thought would only happen to other people. I daresay that it has really been a charmed year, an part of me is really gripped by nostalgia and sadness at having to let it pass in less than two hours' time. But 2004 will stay in memory, in writing and in photographs. And most importantly, the people of 2004 will still be there in 2005. I just hope that next year can be as fruitful as this one, as we face challenges of a more formal nature. I hope that all of us won't forget what happened this year, and that we will continue to keep in contact. In the face of constant change, let us hope that things will take their time changing, and that some things will be the same.
There is one more group of people...my closest friends and family. They've been around me throughout this year, through lots of thickness and thinness, and their support has been unfailing. Although we're more spread out now, I'm happy that at least we've managed to stay in contact. These people are really the foundations of my determination to continue hoping through this year...especially at moments like the Frexprog Two failure and the death incident. I'm glad that this year's experiences have helped to enrich everyone's lives, and to reveal more of one another, and that I've always had someone to talk to, to listen, and to rely on. It's a good feeling, to be secure in the trust of other people. And the bottom line is that I'm glad that we're still friends, and that I hope we will continue to be just so for the forseeable future...
And now, at the brink of tomorrow, while we look back, reminisce, smile quietly or mourn, remember that there is still cause to look forward with hope. Happy new year everyone.
Historical Moments
In other news: The big RJ move was today. Arh, leaving behind the old campus wasn't as hard as I thought. I have grown to love that worn old building, with its memories ingrained into the concrete, its surprises and secrets around each corner and the homey atmosphere of Ghim Moh and Holland V. In its eroded walls was a sense of security and familiarity, an assurance that other batches before us had passed through these same corridors without upset, and that we could do the same.
But then again, what is most important about a school is the people that populate it. Hodge had quite a flash of insight today in his inaugurial speech at the new campus: "This is, at best, a beautiful shell." And I guess as long as everyone moves, and no one is left at the old school, it's still tolerable...familiarity is transplanted with the familiar faces, and I hope that while the environment changes, the spirit won't change. Perhaps that's the Rafflesian spirit...a sense of comfort among your fellows that is unique to each batch, each faculty, each class.
The new school is splendid. From outside, the architecture is really not inspiring. But there are beautifully composed views on the inside...and the new campus has a wonderful drama stage, a far cry from the old LT1, and a positively expansive canteen, and a library so large that we don't have enough books to fill all three levels of it =P But the thing is that from our classrooms (Humans classes are located in the performance centre, in seminar rooms) to the drama theatre, from the gargantuan LT1 to the air-conditioned hall, from the splendid indoor gym to the posh dance studio overlooking it, everything is empty until we, the students and teachers, populate it. And it's up to us to give the school its atmopshere.
That's why when Chern was saying that the location of the Humans classes so far away from everyone else (every other class is in Block A; we're in block J) would promote elitism, I wasn't too concerned. Sure, the physical environment does promote elitism, makes it easier to be elitist, but it's not a given yet. That will depend on our conduct. And I guess it's up to us to set the tone. Beyond that, whatever our juniors do, at least we tried to stave off this unnecessary and wholly superfluous division.
* * * * *
Went to watch this dance concert put on by Kg Chai Chee's management committee of something yesterday night at the Victoria Theatre. Heh...it's not really remarkable. The nicest part was the end, when there was a ballet-style modernish dance to Spanish guitar music. The choreography was a real stroke of genius, and seeing the dancers swirling around in their black costumes, one can really see how the music and the movement complement each other. Modern dance and ballet is all well and good, but most of it yesterday only used the music to provide a rhythm for keeping step. The last dance was good because the emotional factor of the dance and the song matched very well.
Ah well, at any rate, it was nice to see YS again. Heh...I find it continually necessary to resuscitate fragments of Taiwan in order to keep myself entertained in Singapore. Like I said, every time I come back, normal life is a bit more boring. But it occured to me yesterday how isolated drama is as an art form. Chorale, Dance, Band, they all get to play in places like VCH, the VT, the Esplanade, SCH and so on, but student drama troupes don't get better venues than CHS Drama Centre as a rule of thumb (heck, RP had to put up with pathetic LT1). It's telling that the most controversial and dangerous forms of student art, drama, film, photography, don't get the nice venues and glamourous stages that choirs and bands get. When Chern speaks of performing at the VCH as a given, I'm still looking for the chance for student drama to have the reputation and money to get what seems to be taken for granted by everyone else.
Hmm...and that question came up again. Why is it that Singapore seems like the society least capable of conceiving of a platonic boy-girl relationship? Well, our youth seem to show such an interest in this kind of thing, an interest on a scale that seems to be only paralleled by tabloids in Taiwan and France. And it's strange that Singaporeans have such an aversion to touch...it's almost a phobia compared to the personal openness displayed in Taipei and Lyon. Why is our personal space more inviolable than theirs?
* * * * *
A new place is a precious thing
And unfamiliarity is friendly
...because all that one recognises as dangerous is absent. Exploring an unknown, there is more pleasure in a solitary figure under an umbrella in a slight drizzle walking unconcernedly in the middle of a road in the middle of a field verged by thick trees than the same figure surrounded by servants and marble. The delight of discovery and the satisfaction of self-sufficiency add sharpness to the moist air. And yet, the presence of a solid shoulder against mine, of another voice to break the sole silence with, is something that I'm learning to value as much as solitude. For when we explore, we look for a truth, whether we are aware of the act of searching or not. And truth is a matter of conviction, a figment of fiction coupled with contrived certainty. By myself, a dream is as substantial as the grey backdrop and the wide meandering road, if I believe in the dream. I can believe in anything by myself. But when there are two or more, truth is more focused, on only the things that we all agree to believe in. And to have a flightmate is to have a consciousness to reassure my own with, as we cling together in this postmodernist marsh, to ensure each other logically and circularly that we are real ourselves, and what we see is real.
Earthquake
My God, it's horrific. The tsunami death toll just keeps going up, and now it's past 70.000 people already. The terrible destruction of the waves, played over and over again on the news, with the climbing numbers, paint a dreary picture every day. To be present at the striking of a richter scale 9 earthquake in a neighbouring country that wreaked havoc over two continents is at once exciting and horrifying.
Of course, there's the thrill of being present for such a historic event...earthquakes on this scale, and real tsunamis, occur so rarely that the geological event itself is remarkable. And the scenes on the television play out like snippets of The Day After Tomorrow. It's just apocalyptic, and people are as usual drawn to scenes of enormous devastation. But then it strikes you that seventy thousand dead is not a historical footnote. And millions more have been affected and are still in danger. The ghost of that undersea quake lingers on in the spectre of disease. And the fact that it happened so close to home...it could have easily been someone I know, trapped at Phuket. It could have been my family.
Here in Singapore, where nothing ever happens to us, we can talk about it, and show regional solidarity. But I wonder how we can really understand what's going on. Eyewitnesses all say that the tsunamis were like nothing that they have ever seen, the destruction is something that Hollywood can only reflect palely. When my mum was talking about how she had a premonition not to plan a family trip up north this holiday, I wonder whether she realises that we are lucky only when we view our lot relative to those who have lost so much in this catastrophe. It's apocalyptic, what has happened along the shores of the Indian ocean. But I don't think that we can empathise at all. Their suffering is so alien from what we can conceive of as suffering.
But seeing the Thais and the Sri Lankans mobilising, and seeing all the aid pouring in (so much of it that the agencies are running out of manpower to get it all organised), it's heartening that humanity still pulls together in the face of such calamity. In its morbidly consoling way, at least this tragedy has wiped Iraq and Afghanistan and Israel off the public consciousness, however temporarily. In 911, some men killed 3000 other men, and look at the big mess that caused. Last weekend, a freak occurance of nature (I wonder if you appreciate how devastating a Richter scale 9 earthquake is - the Richter scale measures earthquake energy in exponents of 10 or something like that) killed up to a million people, and in the face of abject destruction on a scale not seen since World War Two, we stand together in goodwill. What makes the two different? The scale of the disaster? The nationalities of the victims?
I want to help too. Right now Hist S essays seem really trivial. But besides mentions in Church, neverending coverage by CNA and the newspapers and a mention during yesterday's dance concert, nothing seems to have happened in Singapore. How do you help when you have no way of getting your help to those who need it?
Joyful Tidings
Ah well, it wasn't a bad Christmas altogether, but it certainly was dead. I had the feeling that I was spending the day in perpetual anticipation. Expecting what, I don't exactly know. But despite the last few years, I stll get this childish expectation whenever Christmas comes around. It's something that's driven by memories from Primary School of playing games long defunct, turkey and ham, flipping through photos and family members lining the walls and the staircase downstairs. Back then, the family was smaller, and everyone was younger, and at Christmastime, it was a given that everyone had to be at our place. But this year, my mom's side of the family wasn't available, and the party ended early at something like six o'clock, if you can say that it took off at all. Heh, and I get the feeling that a lot of my family don't know what to do with us during Christmas. When toys and clothes and books are replaced by red packets, it's not only a sign that you're growing up. It's a sign that your family members don't know you well enough to get you anything.
But it's not a bleak picture at all, don't get me wrong. I'm still glad that I have my immediate family. As year after year passes, I seem to be able to communicate with them all better. Experience gives us more and more common ground, I guess. And all the cards and gifts that have been coming in from unexpected quarters are definitely a pleasant surprise. Thanks, guys, for all the thoughts and wishes over Christmas. The only thing is that I may not be able to reciprocate in kind. I've never had the habit of sending cards, and it's only this year that I made the exception for the Taiwanese. But it does look like fun, to choose the cards, personalise them, lick the stamps and then dump the whole pile into a mailbox =P
Inasmuch as Christmas is a time of remembrance, of realising the value of other people around you, I guess it's been a good one. Of course, Taiwan has been frequently at the forefront of my thoughts, but there've been moments when the remarkableness of the situation I find myself in at home comes to mind. Heh...and looking at Yvonne's pictures from France and Lyon reawakened the old yearning again. At times, it was spooky to see her having taken the exact same locations from the exact same angles as me. It was like my photos, except with different people. Perhaps it's because I'd grown used to thinking of Frexprog as my experience, but then again, with her back now, there is comfort in the fact that she did experience something akin to my time in France, and now, part of it is shared.
It's the season for finding understanding souls. And I'd thought that friends like these are hard to come by. Of course, finding someone who can sympathise completely is still rare, but people sympathise all the time, and I find it a blessing indeed that the lives of so many have intersected myne, or at least have been tangential. And being surrounded by these incidental souls is a nice feeling, and one that I only have you guys to thank for =P
I'll keep the new year's wishes for the New Year.
* * * * *
A carré de chocolat, that's what they called it. A dark brown square, with a depth of colour that indicates the richness of the sweetmeat. A simple design in lines, straight and intersecting only at right angles, decorates its surface. There is no need to overstate the chocolate...anything more elaborately carved could distract the sampler from the act of ingestion itself. Or would it be more accurate to call the chocolate holder a member of an audience of one? For this chocolate square is more than just taste.
When held properly, the light reflects off the smooth surface of the square, a snapshot of the surroundings appearing in tones of deep sepia. What one held was marble - no, glass, a silver tainted and impregnated with the heady strength of cocoa. Bled of all colour, the reflection in the chocolate was a world focused on the moment, a moment that could only be expressed in shades of brown.
The teeth do not sink into the cool square - the chocolate breaks with brittle softness when pressure is applied. The solidness of the piece melts into a rich cream, at once dull and poignant on the tongue. It is a taste like no other, the taste of dark chocolate. It is the sun in a remote jungle, an exotic earth and magical water condensed and purified. The ruled lines of the square dissolve as the chocolate remembers the heat from whence it came. And when one is done with all the nibbles, one's fingertips are covered with a dark brown blood, all that remains of a visceral sensory experience. And one wonders at this chocolate in its truest form, and why this square should be called Venezuela Bitter.
Kudos to Mel =)
Christmas Day
Well, somethingood is over now. The last day wasn't anything worth mentioning, really. The whole event didn't end with a bang at all, which, considering all the stuff we had to go through to make sure everything ran smoothly, isn't a bad thing per se =P Now all that's left is to pay the CCF all the money, reimburse the school for damages and write thank you letters all over the place.
Heh, last night's Christmas Eve was kind of surreal. Had mixed feelings through the night, as we began with our caroling at the Tower Club. Bleah...it was a mistake, I think, to get the Guitar Ensemble to sing =S There were times when we went off beat, and our rendition of Jingle Bells was disastrous. Heh well, one little girl was having fun jingling bells with us, so I guess we have at least one satisfied customer. But after this escapade, I don't think our experience will permit us a repeat anytime soon...
Between leaving Republic Plaza and going for the midnight mass at the Cathedral of the Good Shepard, I had about an hour to kill, so I decided to walk along the Singapore River. The lights along the river are quite spectacular this year...Fullerton Hotel is done up very nicely. And at the Esplanade, there was this group of carolers from some unidentified organisation, which attracted me into the complex to find a splendid jazz band playing at the outdoor amphitheatre. Heh, with everyone else around me in couples or groups, I guess it did feel a bit strange that I was there alone. But then again, it wasn't exactly a yearning for companionship either...I guess I just wanted to be un-self-conscious about my alone-ness. And walking among the crowd, listening to the sprightly jazz base line over the speakers, admiring the lights of the skyline at night and taking photos liberally was comforting in itself. With no one else but myself to take care of, there was more freedom to appreciate the surroundings.
The Cathedral was stuffed by the time I got there, and it turned out to be because the Risen Christ Choir (the best church choir in Singapore, I'd reckon) had already started their pageant. And what a spectacle it was, with huge silver flags waving about and even a segment with hong chaos. They sang carols in German, Japanese and even Malay, and a special treat was the French carol, "Il est né", which I haven't heard since watching Les Choristes. For some reason, the carols they sang and the hymns during the mass took on more gravity of emotion than ever. At midnight, when the Archbishop arrived to celebrate the mass with us, there was an urge to really sing out as loud as possible. There was some kind of internal pressure to join in the celebration wholeheartedly, and to lose oneself in the ecstasy of the moment. And when you're in church on Christmas Eve, even an atheist will be able to appreciate the joy of the occasion.
One special moment was the Lord's Prayer, when everyone clasped hands and sang so solemnly. A big part of Christianity has to do with community, and even though I knew none of the people immediately around me, the sense of welcome and inclusiveness is unmistakeable, as we shared in the moment. Sentimentally speaking, it's a sad thing to spend Christmas Eve night alone, but the good part is that you don't really need to be alone when you're in a church. And anyway, I bumped into Greg at the Cathedral; he was there with two of his friends, so I guess during the highlight of the night, I was with someone I cared for, and that's good enough for me. The great part about this season is that you're never really alone when it really matters.
But wandering around downtown looking at the lights and humming carols to myself also gave me the chance to reflect on the past year. It has been a fantastic one for me, better than anything that had come before. All the experiences of this year (the Frexprog Two failure, then Pre U Sem, CAP, Frexprog Two and Texprog) have been eminently satisfying and enriching, an a lot of things happened this year that I had never expected would happen to someone like me. And all the people that I've had the privilege of meeting, through the various camps and events, have formed bonds that I hope will continue strongly into the next year. This year is a year when I've felt genuinely integrated into the social fabric around me, and it has only served to reinforce the importance of other people in my life. So this year has given me experiences in sociology far beyond anything that I could have expected.
But of course, the most gratifying thing about this year is that we've retained so many of our old friendships. Besides my four best friends (to whom I'm still deeply grateful for all that we've gone through together this year), it's pleasantly surprising that the relationships from CHS, the LC and even ACS are still existent. It's funny how things work out, and how in our allegedly fast paced and ever-changing world, a surprising quantity of things do in fact stay the same. From the conversations stolen from between lessons in school corridors, to walks to the MRT station, to class parties and surprise reunions, to dinners and just chatting wherever we happen to meet up, it is the little things that really reveal the state of things. And so, thank you for all these little things =)
Well...highlights of the year...a sunrise on a mountainside (sunrises and mountains are always highlights =P), an afternoon and evening spent on the phone, staying up in an abandoned section of a hostel, the last moments in a foreign airport. These are among the things that I will remember from this year, and I'm glad that for most of them, other people will remember them too. And this shared memory is what makes the experience more real, because someone else's memory can assure you that you're not imagining things or romanticising.
Well, it's about time to get back to the gathering that we have here at my place. The family's gathered here, and we watched the extended LOTR1, and now they're watching the Day After Tomorrow. Of course, being together is good, but I'm so much more familiar with my friends than with my extended family. That is an oversight on my part, but I'm hoping that the Christmas spirit will go some way to break the ice. Seeing the Christmas tree in the corner with its piles of presents stacked underneath, and all the kids gathered around the carom board, and the older ones around the TV, and the oldest ones around the buffet table...it does bring back memories of another time, when there were not so many surprises or concerns. Ah well, things change, and we adapt as well as we can. Me, I'm just thankful that we've all adapted so well this year.
And so, have the merriest Christmas ever, you all, and add all the miscellaneous well-wishes to go along with that =P Here's to the next year, that it may be filled at least with as much friendship and surprises as this one, and that we will not forget one another. May this Christmas and the new year be an enriching one for you all.
Where You Return To
Wow...time passes too quickly for my tastes here in Singapore. somethingood is going along fine...headaches still appear, to be sure, but pleasant surprises emerge too. From the spontaneity of the volunteers (so far, this week's canners have been of a far better calibre, and the buskers are very nice and sporting) to super generous donors and appreciative audiences, and the surprise appearance of the media, this week has been better indeed. Heh, and with everything gearing up to Christmas, there's a general feeling of goodwill on the streets. After you get the hang of the morning rush to set up everyday, and perfect the fixed smile when asking for donations, everyday is quite all right, and even pleasant.
Special mention must go out to all the string ensembles that we've had. They're always a hit with the crowds at Shaw House, and are our biggest money earners. Heh, there was this American who donated an unbelievable sum to the strings buskers on Tue. I just hope that all those notes aren't counterfeit =P And that same day, when HC Strings was playing, RJ Strings suddenly dropped by since they were busking at Scotts, and the two ensembles combined to form this mega-orchestra, which was immensely popular. And I think we owe a lot to RJ Strings, cos they kept coming down to busk for a few hours for somethingood after their Scotts thing, and they always boosted our takings. So, thanks to all the strings groups for their brilliant music and excellent charitable spirit! =)
Oh well, I haven't seen the CNA coverage of somethingood yet...but I presume that it was favourable. I think on the day after the story was aired, there was really an "As Seen on TV" effect, with people donating cos they heard of us on TV. Ah well...whatever was shown, it seemed to have a good effect, or at least it didn't do damage. The rest of it is mere superficial technicality I guess.
Yesterday and today were my off days from somethingood...heh, two weeks of charitable spirit, noble as it may be, is plainly unsustainable. Went with RJGE to Tower Club yesterday to rehearse for the caroling on Christmas Eve. Heh...the story is that RJGE got talent spotted by this staff member from the Tower Club (it's a really ritzy establishment perched on top of Republic Plaza...that's the brown skyscraper at Raffles Place...it's a veritable high-flyer's watering hole), and they're paying us $350 to carol for half an hour. Why they asked a guitar ensemble to sing is still lost on me, but it's good money, and desperately needed for the bankrupt RJGE, so who's complaining? =P For half an hour's rehearsal, they provided access to their staff Christmas lunch, which was heavenly...what wonderful CHristmas Pudding, and the ham...brilliant =) And being on the 64th floor gives one a splendid view of Singapore, all the way from the CBD to like Bedok, and Braddel even. On a good day you'd probably be able to spot Woodlands. And since it's not everyday that I get to go to such a high-class and just plain high place (everything looks different from the 64th floor...and you can get airsick in the elevator =P), I'm gonna bring the camera for Christmas Eve!
Yesterday I also went for a Texprog reunion, with the Yang Ming people...well, sans the Nj people, who were all busy. Heh, it was actually brought forward from today, but I wasn't told till the last minute, so on the way home from Raffles Place, I had to turn back from Kembangan to go back to HarbourFront. Anyway, we had dinner at Clara's mum's Japanese restaurant, and they provided practically a free flow of sushi, sashimi and tempura. It was like going to heaven...after the hefty Christmas meal, to stuff myself with sashimi and other Japanese delicacies. Heh, but yesterday night was the first time that I had time to think about Texprog in like a week...there hasn't even been time to transcribe the journal entries I wrote in Taipei in my sketchbook. Things are happening too fast, and the luxury of time and reflection is needed for one to start missing people. But to be sure, I do miss them, and all that we went through in Taiwan...being back in Singapore is a far cry from the lifestyle that we led over there. And it seems that every time I come back, Singapore is just a little bit more boring.
Here's a thought...it doesn't matter where you go; what matters is where you return to.
Anyway, just finished making the Christmas cards and presents to send back to the guys in Taiwan. It's not much, and the cards only look good by accident, really =P But I feel like I owe it to them to put in the effort...they gave so much to us when we were there. To be sure, their abilities were restricted by the appalling timing of Texprog, but they sure tried their darnedest. And with somethingood going on, I haven't had time to go online to chat with them at all. Heh, I guess these cards would be a chance to let them know that I'm far from forgetting them =P
Lost Time
Arh this is ridiculous. After coming back from Taiwan, I'm plunged headlong into so much work that I haven't even had time to properly reflect on what I'd gone through in those two and a half weeks. somethingood is a worthy cause and all, but it's eating up so much time that my stamina is being sorely tested.
Now that somethingood has started, idealism has given way to practical concerns of implementation. Dealing with an ill-organised staff, uncooperative canners and unresponsive equipment can fairly tie up anyone's consciousness into knots. We have the bare minimum necessary to carry out this event, namely the manpower, the basic technical expertise and equipment, and the venues and licencing. But our buskers and canners demand so much more than the minimum that it's quite hard to handle all of them with our current structure.
On the first two days, our band station's technical aspect screwed up so badly that in the end the volunteer bands themselves had to help us to handle the tech, and our equipment screwups meant that we had very little to offer them to satisfy the technical requests they gave us that we said we could handle. Then there was a canner overload on one day, and not enough buskers, and that was quite a waste of time. The first three days were characterised by mindless rushing to and fro, frantic phone calls to people who don't pick up their phones, making volunteers wait and basically demonstrating how ill-prepared we all were.
The worst part, undoubtedly, is dealing with the volunteers. Any group that needed any kind of tech was liable to be screwed up by us. The two dance groups for the first two days couldn't dance much because of a mixture of rain and failed tech, and that clearly pissed them off. I think the worst possible thing we can do is to make our volunteers wait around, and then try to mollify them by giving them free hours. It's an insult to their spirit and the effort they've put in for us. And we had a can shortage over the weekend, which forced us to use jury-rigged collection boxes, which generated several complaints from the public. The canners were hard to handle too...how do you make sure that your expectations of them are reasonable, that you don't demand that they can every single second, and yet make sure that they don't slack or wander off? I tried to fire some canners yesterday, and that was a total flop. In this kind of thing, it's easier to let slackers slack than to try to face their kao pei-ing. But someone has to do it.
So, for the beginning of somethingood, I was more or less continuously pissed at how ill-prepared we were to handle such an event on such a scale. But that's not to say that miracles didn't happen. Though we were spending money like no one's business in the first few days, we actually covered all our expected costs with the first day's collections. And our buskers are excellent! The rock bands volunteered to introduce us to some company which rents out equipment at discounted prices, and even offered to do tech for us should we lack the expertise. Strings and quartets that are stationed at Shaw House are always a success, and the Ngee Ann station, which lost its original power supply from the 7-11 outside Ngee Ann City, found a ready supplier of power from the Xbox booth next door. So you see, real volunteerism doesn't come from the canners (canning is basically the easiest way to get rid of the CIP obligation...can you even call it charity, if you aren't required to even think of the people you're helping?) or even from us, but from the most unexpected of places.
The best moment so far was when NJ Western Dance, who busked at Ngee Ann yesterday, danced practically nonstop around noon, and then got talent spotted for a potential gig worth a few hundred =P Heh, at least that justified all the trouble that we went through to make sure that the dance station was functional and adequately staffed.
Anyway, this thing will continue till the 24th. I don't know how I'm going to last through the whole period...it's only been five days, and I've had quite enough of dealing with all the troubles and hiccups that could have, and should have, been preplanned out of existence. Soph was talking about a passion for charity and music that will keep us committed. Well, even the most well-meaning idealism won't be able to cover up for lackadaisical planning and organisation. No matter how much we mean well, if we can't do it, then it will count for very little.
* * *
I've got so many other things to talk about...Guitar is preparing for SYF (just barely, RJGE is also suffering from a loss of vision and clear direction) and Christmas caroling at the Tower Club on Christmas Eve. And there're so many stories waiting to be told from Taiwan! I really want to write it all down, no mater how self-indulgent and sappy it may become. But all these things keep crowding it out of the way. Not that these things aren't worth doing too...but I think that I need the time to properly think about Texprog, now that it's over. I haven't even had the luxury of time to miss them in. What is clear is that some things are more worth doing than others. What is still doubtful is which one of them is the most worthwhile.
I want the chance to remember all your faces.
The Return
...and so, this adventure is at its official end. I'm back in Singapore now, and it's been three hours in this weather, and I've already retreated to an air-con room =) I know that I haven't updated a lot here since the fourth, but rest assured that lots of things have been happening, and I've put my thoughts down in my sketchbook. Little by little, they'll be put up here too. But in the meantime...
It's been a marvellous trip! Excellent, incredible, unbelievable even =D My gosh, at that point in time, with the knowledge that time was limited, certain parts of the immersion felt like time wasting activities, but from the vantage point of home, it all flowed remarkably well. And although I've been on this kind of thing twice before, this was a wholly new type of experience. These two and a half weeks have managed to outshine all the other trips socially, because undeniably, it is the people who are the most unforgettable this time.
When we were flying in to land, the plane coasted past Downtown Singapore, then up East Coast, and the people around me were remarking about how regular and planned the city looked compared to Taiwan. And indeed, Taipei is a lot messier than Singapore, with short buildings crammed together, uneven sidewalks and winding streets. And when I got out of the airport, it's remarkable how everything seemed brighter, even though it was night time. Taipei is generally duller in colour, and Singapore looks quite garish with its verdure in comparison.
But then again, Taipei has a different kind of attraction, relying more on its street life than its external appearance to arouse interest. Like I said before, the street level life is definitely more interesting than the clockwork existence of Singapore's culture. In Taipei, everyone in the service industry (or at least the people we came into contact with) were impeccably hospitable, really giving our salespeople a run for their money. And they have a real night life! Just imagine an Orchard Road that remained open till 1am or 2am. And it's intriguing, as always, how their modernity subsists side by side with Taiwanese tradition.
Culturally, Taiwan arguably shows the political way forward for Singapore. Sure, their horrible traffic manners may be because of their liberal politics, but on the whole, democracy has not led to a total breakdown of social morality in Taipei. I guess it's safe to say that society is more resilient than the government gives it credit for. It may not be such a stable place to live in, but a politically liberal Singapore will at least be more interesting.
Speaking of interesting, that is one reason why I didn't want to leave Taipei this afternoon (one other reason is schoolwork =P). Truth be told, life in Taipei was a lot more exciting, partly due to the novelty factor, but primarily due to the clear perception that life in Taipei will never lose an element of unpredictability no matter how long you live there. And that element of unpredictability is a lot larger than anything that we are liable to come across here, even though Taipei isn't conceptually too far off from Singapore at first glance (same cultural roots and same globalisation effects). While walking around Taipei (especially with no Taiwanese guides), you learn to expect a surprise at every turn of the winding back street.
But clearly the most remarkable thing is the people. It's strange how these things work out...in Taipei, I found myself largely in the shoes of those people that I envied in Lyon. Maybe it's because prior experience gave me an advantage over the others who think they know less than I do what to expect, and maybe it's because as luck would have it, Yang Ming had four other people I had known prior to Texprog. But this time round, I felt really secure that I would have friends in Taipei, and as an added bonus, I even got someone who didn't mind to wander Taipei streets with me, something that I had wanted since Frexprog One =D On the Singaporean side, Texprog is almost a mirror image of Frexprog One...I made friends prior to going over, and I had someone with which to share the surprising experience of strolling along a foreign river with no strings attached.
But on the Taiwanese side, too, it was most incredible. We hit it off almost at once with Young's class, which consisted of lots of nice people genuinely eager to find out more about Singapore. And the Yang Ming Texprog people are also incredibly hospitable. Given the amount of stress they had to bear in entertaining us while simultaneously preparing for a major exam, they were jolly almost to a reckless extent, and they were always good about it.
I guess that was the main draw of it all, the people that we met, from the Singaporeans, the Taiwanese who were here in July to their families to their classmates, and even the random citizen on the street. In some of them, I see myself two years ago. And in others there's the opportunity to put into practice all that these years of travelling has given me. And in combining the past and the present, and pieces of everywhere else that I've visited, Taipei has been quite a wonderful experience. And the fact that I had others to share it with just makes it more precious. And that's really why I didn't want to leave, because there are things that I cannot bring back with me. I left friends back there in that airport.
But what I did bring back does feel very worth it, now. Hundreds of photos, lots of gifts, letters and contacts, and memories that we've all shared these two and a half weeks. And the assurance that the new friends that I've made, both in Singapore and in Taiwan, will still be there, even though Texprog has officially ended. Really, the story continues, and this is not really the end. It's just the end of the beginning =)
I won't forget.
Wandering
I did it today. Got out and walked the city without supervision, and it was great! =D
The morning was spent in Guandu looking at the mangrove reserve there. Hmm...that place is quite modest compared with Sungei Buloh, but there was the ever present wind. And all that time spent memorising the physical geog stuff came in useful, finally =P Heh, geography is only justified when one goes out of boring old Singapore. In Taiwan, I saw mangroves, a real hot spring, real faultlines, real mountains, and had a dormant volcano thrown in for good measure. And to top it all off, they say there's a typhoon on the way...
Anyhoos, after we got back to school, YS and I went hunting for a bank so I could change some of the emergency Singapore money to make up for my expenditures on gifts ordered from Taiwan. The odd thing about Taipei banks is that they open real early at 9am, but close at 3.30pm, and the only bank that accepts Singapore dollars is like next door to where I live, so wandering around the banks near school was useless. But it did give us a chance to explore the school district and the Shilin Road, and looking for something while not knowing exactly where to find it, and relying on your own resourcefulness, is fun in itself =)
YS was looking for a camera, cos her digicam had run out of battery and she didn't have the charger for the funny Canon battery. So after the bank hunt proved useless, we scouted the road again for cameras of the analog age, cos she had lots of film left (it's a long story). After a while, though, it occured to us that buying a battery charger would probably be cheaper than buying a photographic antique, and that took us on a trail leading from a Shilin photocopy shop that sold her type of battery, but not the charger, to an electronics shop in neighbouring Zhishan district that sold the charger but didn't have it in stock. So tomorrow she'll have to pop down to get it again. But in getting there, we walked up and down the road between the school and the Shilin Metro station like twice over, and took two buses. Hehheh, I gotta say I was pretty proud of that impromptu navigation =P Shows that we can survive in hectic Taipei.
For dinner, we went to the largest Sogo outside of Japan, the Pacific Sogo in East Taipei, which is a twelve-storey complex that puts Taka to shame =P We had some Ma La Huo Guo, which is basically steamboat with really spicy and hot soup. The food was all right, but we had to pay NT300 for the atmosphere, which was really heartbreaking seeing my limited supply of NT dollars being gouged out mercilessly. But afterwards, I got off one Metro stop early and found my way to the river, and followed it home, cos we finished really early and there was a ton of time before I needed to be home. The riverside path is really peaceful, and populated enough with joggers and dog walkers to be safe at night. And since where I live is next to the Diplomatic Complex of Taiwan, it's perhaps the most secure place in the whole city. Strolling along the river among parks and trees swaying in the strong wind, and all alone, was refreshing and really a singular experience. It reminds me of all those times in Lyon...there's the same feeling of freedom and anticipation here. Of expecting something to happen when rationally you know that the odds are that nothing will happen.
Hmm...but I expected that all the Texprog people would go out together tonight, given that this is the last day of their exams. After today, they're supposed to devote all their time to entertaining us. Heh...while that may not be as hot as it sounds, the lacklustre response today was also a bit...worrying. Me, I would be glad that the exam is over, no matter how it went. But their exams are regarded much more seriously than our common tests, or even promos, and on top of their memorisation and tuition for the exams, they have to entertain us. And yesterday, instead of being given time to study, Young was forced to prepare for the farewell dinner on the 8th. It's really pressurising for them, and it seems that some of them really didn't handle it properly, their dual commitments. To be sure, it's quite ridiculous to expect them to be able to deal with everything at the same time. I wonder what the heck the organisers were thinking.
And on the one hand, I feel really sympathetic, and want to be as supportive as possible, but on the other hand, it's clear that some of them want to forget all about it, and pretend that everything's gone fine.
The thing is that due to the crappy timing of this trip, they only effectively have two days to play all-out with us, and those are the last two days that we will spend in Taipei. I feel, really, that time is running out, and although there have been really worthwhile experiences, that there's still a potential left to exploit, and we won't be able to push it to the max at this rate.
Oh well...anyway, a word about Guandu, which is in the suburbs of Taipei. The peace and quiet of the streets there are a refreshing change from the congested avenues of the capital. Where Taipei is all dust and noise and killer cars, Guandu is empty streets, twittering sparrows and fresh winds. Taipei is exciting, but Guandu is definitely healthier. And the landscape there is really rich and well preserved, so much so that it seems like the nature reserve not only protects the natural landscape, but the cultural terrain and historical weight too.
And the thing that I think I will miss most about Taipei is, undoubtedly, the wind. Singapore air is positively stagnant compared to the bracing breezes and powerful gusts that swirl around these streets and the mountaintops. Here, the air is powerful.
And three scenarios when you don't feel like moving...when your toilet seat has become warm, when you're under the cascade of a perfectly adjusted shower, and when you're burrowed in a warm bed.
