resilience: April 2005

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Pre-SYF

it's been an honour
rock on guitarists

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Guitar

It keeps coming up, that question. And a part of me does feel quite privileged. But I must still be cautious. Part of me says I should enjoy this while it lasts. The more realistic part somehow is compelled to take into account the case by which is actually does last. These are human beings that we are talking about.

Anyway, has a great Guitar prac today, the last one before the big day on Thursday. Heh...we tried to have a full run of the ten minutes of fame that we are allowed, and the first time it was quite a catastrophe. I'm hoping that it's only due to the prospect of walking in and immediately starting to play to a packed auditorium. Nerves we can deal with. But if up till now we still have a technical issue with playing the songs, then it's quite urgent.

But that one catastrophe notwithstanding, I think we're approaching the actual day itself quite well. Everything's falling into place with the pracs and the expression and the costuming and the tech side of things. I wonder sometimes if this had been part of the overarching master plan from the very beginning...to what extent did we end up in this position by sheer good luck? Heh, the only thing I can say with any confidence is that things were done differently in drama.

Anyway, this time round the SYF doesn't seem to be so bad. The performance time is half that of drama. Sure, there are more people acting at one time, but at least everyone knows exactly what he or she has to do. At any rate, it has been quite a privilege to work with this team. This bunch of down-to-earth, non-arty people that form the other side of my JC existence =P Their whole approach to life it's quite refreshing, after a full week of arts courses. Well, there were issues that emerged when we were trying to work out the kinks in the administration of the Ensemble, especially regarding the J1s. But as it turned out, we were really lucky, and all the problems worked themselves out and we narrowly avoided having to take hard and unpleasant decisions.

Good things about RJGE...everyone is rather fun-loving! And everyone still takes things seriously. There is a balance that can be struck, apparently. Me, I don't know if I tried hard enough to be part of the ensemble, actually. For quite a bit of it I just saw it as a role that I needed to perform. But now, at this point in time, I'm thinking that I probably shortchanged myself. The spirit that SYF has generated is really gratifying. Ah well...I guess all that remains for me is to enjoy whatever is left, rather than to bemoan times that are gone. And anyway, all things said and done, it has been a good experience. Leadership is hard, but it turns out that it is endurable, as long as you position yourself well =P

On Thu, we'll be out of school by 10, and then rehearse a few hours before shuttling down to Singapore Conference Hall with our appointment with...not fate, but the powers-that-be. And by 6pm we should know the results. I wonder how it will go. Surely it will be something to remember. I only hope that everything goes well enough, so that no one suffers from regrets later. That would be positively sucky, if we ended up for some reason not doing our best on that stage. And after 2 SYFs, I think I've resolved not to care too much about what we actually get because SYF is notoriously inaccurate at judging effort. What we've gained already justifies the journey we took, if I'm permitted a moment of romanticism. The award, whatever it is, seems to me to be an added perk. Well...that, and the added funding that a gold with honours will bring =P

Was reading through the emails for CHS EDrama after their SYF competition. This year they got Silver again. I don't know what happened...ever since my batch, we have been getting Silver. And I remember feeling particularly responsible, as the person in the director's seat. It's like leading your people halfway through the wasteland and in sight of the Promised Land and walking into quicksand. Well, okay, not so melodramatic, but there was a feeling of real loss back then. As there is now, in their emails to each other about this result. Being the loudmouth that I always am, I interjected with my own consolations. Ah well, no matter what, CHS EDrama remains the best drama troupe I've ever worked with, and only TSD comes close to rivalling it =P But all the same, I hope Thu won't bring that eventuality to us. There will be people who will care much for that gold.

Anyway...lots of people are entering into SYFs nowadays. Our conductor was praying for us today, I think, or doing something to bless us or something like that, albeit discreetly. Heh, the Christian concentration in Guitar is really high, for some reason. On Sat we were praying for SYF success. Me, I'll pray for an enriching experience on Thu, and if we must pray for success, then I hope that CO and Chorale and Harmoc are successful too. Everyone is in the same boat, and there's plenty of prayers to go around for everyone, anyway =P

* * * * *

Maybe I'll write again tomorrow when I have more time, and more cohesion. Seems like I haven't given a fitting tribute to Guitar, my first ever musical CCA, which I got into almost by mistake =P Ah, it's funny how things work out. And now, there is a confluence of so many things I don't know if I can write it all out here. There's just too much happening, and anyway, a fair amount of it is sensitive material. I have to think of you, Reader, even though I write largely freely on this blog. The nature of the ownership of this blog is always a sticky issue.

But I'll continue to write. Yes, Kueh, I do think that if I can change one person's view of life through writing, then it's worth it. To have an impact at all at this point in time is an achievement already, I think, which reduces the magnitude of that impact to a technicality =P

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Habeas Papam

A beautiful soul lost in someone else's expression.

Well, it's never happened before, I must say. I really do appreciate what you guys think about what I do, but I'm obliged myself to keep a sense of perspective. As a craftsman I cannot hold a candle to some of the others that I've seen so far. Not to the greats, who I'll never meet probably, and not even to our peers. It would be really stuck up or self delusional to pretend that there is no one better.

But it's a great feeling, when I am successful at transmitting meaning. Striking how much you can read into it. To that extent it's moments like these that keep that side of me going. An overly skewed worship of the technique, perhaps, is what we're in danger of falling into. To see a carefully crafted piece of art is definitely a remarkable thing, but the stule and the medium is relevant only insofar as they serve to transmit meaning between two isolated souls. How the greats use imagination and language are striking, but it's even more striking that these coded messages can be interpreted by so many people. Which is why I'm suspicious of experimental art. Because they all seem to hold technique as paramount, and while the technique is intriguing, I'm not convinced that they have anything actually to say.

And what you said reminded me that how you say it must always be subjugated to serve what you have to say. I guess I have been unfair in that sense...to cultivate a critical eye of young writing based on how well they use technique, when what should be remarkable is what they are trying to say. And if the message is genuine, then as long as the style is adequate to transmit it, the work is worth remarking on.

So anyone can write. It's finding something new to say that is still the key.

* * * * *

Watching the Pope's inauguration mass just now on BBC, and it was most impressive. The millions of people squeezed into St. Peter's Square, and the streets surrounding the Vatican, and the great colour-coded crowd, the red of the Cardinals, the white of the Priesthood, and the gold of the Bishops. The new Pope on his high seat at the doors of the Basilica, resplendent in gold. And the gleaming white block that forms the altar full in the sun. Flags and pennants waving. It struck me that the Catholic Church really uses symbolism well. It must be the most sanctioned monarchy on Earth, in the way that it portrays itself publicly. And everything was undeniably theatrical. The unambiguous use of symbols and song, the play of the light, the choreographed and rehearsed movements of the Mass. All the way down to the fanning out of the priests to distribute Holy Communion.

But what was most remarkable for me was that I could still follow the mass. The thing was carried out in Italian, with bits of it in other languages...the First Reading in English, the Second one in Spanish, and the Gospel in the ancient media of Latin and Greek. And bits in French, German, even Chinese. But the beautiful thing about the ritual is that it's the same wherever you go, and whatever the occasion. A mass is always a mass. And the symbols are universal, as is the sequence. That's why churches are always places of refuge for me, no matter where I go...things remain the same in churches. And no matter where you are, or what language is being spoken, when you see that Host and that cup, you know the meaning. You share in something common.

Despite the usual political platitudes, the Pope did say that we are never alone in faith.

It must have been bizarre to be there in person. So much religious energy zapping in the air. Catholic practice has never been particularly lively, but at the Vatican today it looked impressive due to the scale alone. Majestic, monolithic. Myself, I'm not into blatant or obvious signs of religion. It feels too much like imposing on other people my own beliefs, if I make it obvious that I'm praying. Religious life on a social moral level seems to be a better idea, so people don't realise that you're being religious, but they can feel something good anyway. But I wonder what it would have been like to be there, and exchanging the Sign of Peace in so many different languages.

* * * * *

Pasar malam again. They have this rather fascinating stall selling Ramly Burgers, which are like intriguing concoctions of beef and mayonnaise fried on top of a layer of egg, and then the whole thing wrapped in an omelette and placed in between buns on a bed of lettuce. And there was quite a crowd around the stall, everyone watching that man working behind the grill. It's not as classy as Macs, and so it's much better. At least Ramly Burgers are honest. And anyway, they taste better than anything Macs comes up with =P

It'll be quite sad when the pasar malam ends. It's the biggest one I've ever seen in Simei, and it's been entertaining walking through it from the station on the way home. That kind of life that it attracts, the characters that it pulls out of the anonymity of daily routine, is really refreshing. Invigorates the Simei air. Probably in a few days time the pasar malam will be gone, leaving only a well trodden stretch of grass that will remind me on the way home that a passing gypsy caravan had been there.

* * * * *

This morning it suddenly struck me that SYF is coming in four days' time. Suddenly overcome with anxiety and apprehension, when a flash of imagination put me in the audience waiting for the results to come out. What if we don't get that Gold? Personally I don't mind so much...Drama SYF has taught me that much. But so many people that I know and care about are hoping against hope for that Gold with Honours. And the worst thing is that I know so little about the competition, and the quality of playing there. On Thursday I'll be walking right into the dark on the Conference Hall stage. But then again, lots of the ensemble will be too. Which is why it's so nervousness-inducing, I guess.

But dress rehearsal on Sat went very well, I thought. Everyone in our really sleek-looking stage costumes, playing with more decorum and expression than ever before. And we ended in high spirits, though the thing dragged on. Heh, we're still a bit lagging on the stage presence side, but we're getting there. Perhaps the last ingredient for a fantastic performance will be the live audience.

Anyway, took lots of great photos of the ensemble in dress rehearsal to use for our Concert's programme booklet. I had reservations about the costume previously, but those photos have vanquished any doubts about that =) And so we enter the last leg of this preparation. I look forward, not without trepidation, but definitely with eagerness.

RJC Guitar Ensemble Presents...

Euphony

When: Tue 17th May @ 1900h

Where: RJC Performing Arts Centre

Free Seating Tix @ $6 each

Order your tix now!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Busy-ness

Well, the busy-ness continues. Caught up in Guitar stuff, mostly, and the last vestiges of Kwok's SBQ, as well as continuing Ihist readings. Guitar pracs have been getting really slow, it's because we're getting really tired of our SYF songs, I think. And no surprise...we saw the problem coming when we started on Bachianas in Dec. We just didn't know what to do about it. And now I think that our pracs are degrading, our standard isn't remaining at the high levels we attained in the previous week or two. Arh...and it's hard, to work up the discipline and enthusiasm to play with heart, to play with the flair to make the performance convincing. Every time you appear on a stage, there are certain conventions that must apply, and the most important of all, I think, is to make your presence felt. Even if we manage to maintain our musical quality, I don't know if we can apply ourselves to stage presence.

Worried about Guitar SYF. The first time I'm doing a musical SYF, and I'm quite surprised really that it seems to be so slack. Maybe it's cos one's role in an ensemble is distinct and well-defined, not like the roles that have to be covered in a drama production. Maybe being among a large group onstage removes some of the urgency and uncomfortability of the moment. Maybe it's cos Guitar SYF isn't as competitive as Drama SYF. But I really do think that it doesn't feel urgent enough. We slogged so hard for Drama SYF, only to get Silver both times...and we haven't approached that level of strain for Guitar SYF (at least for the average player). Gaspar and the old RIGE people assure me that it's not out of the ordinary, but I can't find it in me to regard that reassurance as credible. I do hope that I'm worrying about nothing, though, as contradictory as that may sound.

Anyway, once again I'm fed up with speaking up in Purvis's lessons. I wonder what makes him think that I don't mind the whacking I always (well, not always, but it sure feels like that) arouse when I say something. By rights, of course, I should not mind, and I try not to mind, but I'll be the first to admit that I also have a rather troublesome ego that hates to get hurt. I try to be humble, but I can only tolerate looking stupid to a certain degree. And I find it impossible to argue back with him. He said today that sometimes I look at him as if I think he doesn't like me. It's not that. I look at him that way because I don't like how he treats what I say. It makes it seem like there's no point in me saying anything, because it won't change anyone's viewpoints. Yes, it is anti-intellectual. But how will you argue that what I talk in class actually makes a difference, the entertainment value aside? If I must look stupid, at least let it be useful. And I'm sure that I only talk a lot, and don't really say anything. Making lots of noise to cover up some other deficiency.

And anyway, people seem to be picking up the conversation themselves. Perhaps the time is coming when I won't need to say anything anymore, and someone else can actually make a constructive contribution, and take up the formidable task of trying to change Purvis's views. Me, I'm out of patience.

Looking for someone to talk to me intellectually. Every morning's train ride is kind of like an adventure in the hopes of meeting Kels and chatting on the walk to school. It's a beautiful thing to see, a sharp mind in operation.

And yet, I would like to stay with the normal people. Stimulated by genius, but with my feet on the ground. Life is more interesting at ground level, I think, and anyway, it's good to understand what and how they (or we, I'd like to think of myself as a simple guy in an extraordinary situation) think. The intellectual environment offered by Humans classes is intriguing to no end, but I still think that all that philosophising and thinking is only justified if it is useful in the context of the normal people, in deciphering and perhaps improving their experience of life. When intellectual life distresses me, it is normal life that reinvigorates my faith, irrational to be sure, in goodness.

Had lunch in Toa Payoh again today. Heh, having that mutton soup always cheers me up, and being in Toa Payoh makes me feel much safer than being in school. Crossing that flyover from Braddel Road into Toa Payoh felt like leaving a huge weight behind. And then after Hist S went to shop for books in Bras Basah, getting really down and dirty into the piles with Mel, Chern and Matt. The result - two poetry books (one of Whitman's works!) and a script anthology. Really indulgent, considering how little time I have to actually read beyond the syllabus as it is. But still, feeling worn pages, smelling the musk, handling the stacks and stacks of paper...yes, it feels good to retreat from school.

And then when I reach home, the pasar malam they set up along the main street was finally in operation. Things like these really attract the Simei crowds. Hehheh, though the market had three stalls each selling roadside snacks (Ramly Burgers!), fruits and drinks (all with fixed prices, so one wonders why a hundred metres of street needs three stalls selling the same thing), and it's really restricted only to one area of sidewalk, plunging into the throngs felt really therapeutic. The one stall that attracted my attention was the drink stall that sells Coke in glass bottles imported from Thailand. But the feeling was refreshing...all the people out in their home-wear and pyjamas, families and kids milling around, the shopkeepers hawking their wares, tacky Chinese opera music blaring over loudspeakers. If I focused on the stalls and ignored the HDB blocks behind, I could easily reminisce about the night markets in Taipei. The crowd was anonymous, but it was friendly. It felt like the crowd was a bit unsure of what to do, pasar malams are so rare nowadays, but it was warm. The atmosphere, and more importantly, the people. The simple pleasures in life are what's keeping me going now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Choirs

Mmm...it has been a good few days. As expected, Chorale concert was fantastic =) Got there real early, cos Chun Long and gang wanted to be able to get the best seats...so, even though the doors were only slated to open at 7.15, we were stoning outside the concert hall at 6.30. Ah well...it was nice to be back downtown in the old civic district, at any rate.

Hmm...but a note to self. Don't buy the more expensive tickets for performances of auditory groups. I could have done with cheaper tix for Band as well as Chorale...for Band, the second most expensive tix puts you right in front of them so they can blast music down yr tired eardrums. For Chorale, though, the more expensive tix get you circle seats, which gives you a good view, but really nothing else. The circle had so many teachers and miscellaneous GOHs that we really couldn't have fun =S And seeing all the pple downstairs...the 1B and 13A people, and the gang from CHS, basically all the young normal people. Clearly it's more fun to be among the plebian masses. We tried to escape downstairs after the intermission, but me and my bro were too slow.

At any rate, the performance was really good. The first half was a tad draggy, I thought. They repeated songs from last year...like Pokpok and Mamayog. Gosh, I've heard Pokpok so many times that I can almost memorise the lyrics already =P But their Latvian pieces were cool. I especially liked the wistful and mournful tunes of the one about the dream and the lost love. It was particularly cinematic...I was imagining a dark vista an a lonely traveller wandering a night-time trail. Kind of like the first scene of Return of the Native. RI Voices were cute in singing Pokpok...Grace tells me that that song was originally meant for a choir of kids.

Hehheh, but the second half really picked up. Punch was excellent with their plot! They did that segment from Shrek 1 with the wind-up introduction to Du-lop the perfect kingdom. And then there was Chern doing her imitation of the MRT announcements about standing behind the yellow line...in all the languages except Indian =P And then they had this hilarious segment set in India, with attached phonetics and accents...

Indian 1: Hello, I am Sri-Wan.
Indian 2: Hello, I am Sri-Too.
Indians: And we are your Happy Sri-Friends!
(All burst into Bollywood-style musical number of Munaeru Vaaliba)

It was amazing. I wonder who was the genius who wrote the script...and why that same genius did nothing to improve Drama Feste! Me and Greg were having the time of our lives laughing away through the performance. Greg says that Punch should just put on their own concert so they won't steal the limelight from everyone else. I say that Punch should appear during Guitar's concert as a guest performance =P

Anyway, they ended off with two encores...the first one was a Beatles song that I haven't heard before. The second one was an overtone piece, in which the choir sang a chord and a high-pitched note just gets generated out of thin air. And we were all marvelling at the fascinating quality of singing, when the overtone chord suddenly transformed into...the first line of the school song. Naturally all the teachers stood up like proper patriots. And that's why I think the school song is a cheapskate way of getting a standing ovation =P

Not that standing ovations were unheard of. There were several genuine ones. Punch got a few, I think.

When the thing finally ended, there was bedlam on the stage, because everyone who recognised someone on stage was trying to shake that person's hand. And there must have been almost a thousand dollars' worth of flowers onstage...and to think that in a few days, all that would be worthless and dead and dried. How's that for depreciation? Anyhoos, Grace and Chern nearly escaped my clutches by sneakily taking the side exit, but in the end managed to catch them and give them their due. Heh, let's just say that I won't buy flowers cos they depreciate too much, and those girls needed some real sustenance after their Choir-Diet regime of deprivation and starvation...

Afterwards, we were all supposed to hang around. Heh, Soph was determined that we spend some time outside rather than disperse immediately. So there I was, leading them towards Lau Par Sat via Raffles Place MRT (cos Kels had to go), and then suddenly like two-thirds of the group disappears into the MRT station, Soph included. In the end only me, Grace, Chun Long and Wiggy settled down to ice kachang and satay at Lau Par Sat. And we all heard the story of how Grace got so many flowers that she immediately became the envy of Chorale =P

Yep...so that was Chorale concert. It was well worth the money, to be sure. And I was wishing for lots of encores, especially for Punch =P And who would have guessed that the next day, that wish came true? Well, sorta. Accompanied Grace to go have a peep at ACJC's Choir who were putting up a free performance at the Esplanade. AC Choir, along with AC Drama, are like the fabled arts groups that have excellent reputations, but which I have never seen. So, being Bohemian at heart, I seized the opportunity over the option of doing Kwok's SBQ at home =P

AC Choir is really excellent too. Grace is right...the two choirs have different styles of singing, and it's rather unfair to compare them. All I can say is that AC sounded good in the Esplanade foyer last night. They really laid on that overtone technique, and their stageplay was first-rate. Each face was really expressive, and you can tell that the singers were all sincerely trying to sing their best (not that Chorale doesn't do that too...but with a circle seat, I couldn't see anyone's face at all). And spookily enough, they sang Pokpok and Mamayog too =P

Now, are these people psychic or not? So there I was, with Grace to one side, and then the emcee declares that the next piece is Mamayog, and I'm thinking whether I should push Grace into the choir so she can just join in. Their Mamayog was quite striking, I think. Especially when the scream was delivered by not one, not two girls, but the entire Soprano section. I nearly fell down the stairs at the foyer in shock. I wonder why the heck choirs like to sing those particular Filipino songs so much...to date, I've heard Mamayog 3 times (1st time at VJ's concert last yr, 2nd time on Sunday at Chorale's concert) and Pokpok 4 times.

But I liked their Latvian piece the best. It was about the Latvian people being orphaned within their own homeland, apparently. The mournful and grieving melody invoked images of refugees straggling down a country trail and tired troops trying to stem the flow of Imperialist forces into their country. Quite evocative, really, especially when you pay attention to the singers' faces.

Anyway, met Elke there purely by accident. Heh, somehow or other our paths keep crossing. The last time I saw her was on the train homeward bound. But now she's in JC (TJ actually), just as I predicted. Hehheh, it was a nice surprise to find her there, and to realise that really, things don't change as fast as we think. Or at least, I found that I could still chat with her quite naturally, despite her name slipping my mind until she helpfully and tactfully reminded me that her name comes with a K (I was thinking "Ellie", actually). It's funny how these things keep popping up, to remind me that there is a social world out there that extends beyond RJ Humans Programme. I wonder how Shixuan and Brenda are doing in TJ...

Well, strolled back to Raffles Place after that performance, just to complete the entire Encore performance. The last two nights have been so symmetrical that it's almost poetic. I always like going to the riverside...despite its unabashed artificiality, it really is quite a nice place to be. Quiet, and comes with flowing (well, more or less) water. Rivers, no matter how small they are, are natural attractions for human settlement and fascination.

Anyway, was chatting with Grace about the nature of love and relationships. Why is it that we keep coming back to this topic even though we know that we can't solve the dilemma? I guess it's because we have to grapple with it that makes it so enduringly fascinating. Hmm...but I find it remarkably easy to talk to her about this kind of thing. Maybe it's because she's so chummy towards guys (and I say that in all admiration). And partly it's also cos she has all the experience, and I really do think that her relationship with Qiheng still remains the model for a mutually healthy and enriching one, something that is really quite rare...a relationship at our age largely devoid of resentment or mutual insecurity. But I guess it's also partly because she doesn't know me that well...I find that if I am careful enough, I can unburden myself on people like her without infringing on privacy, because she'd understand the situation without needing to know the identities of the parties involved. At least that's how I'd like to see it.

Hmm...but have been thinking again about that perennial question. But I shall not carry out a psychoanalysis here. Been writing enough for one night =)

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Fatigue

Good grief, it's been a really short week...most of it eaten up by that monstrosity of a Hist S essay I was doing. The issue is really too interesting for its own good, and I found my arguments spinning outwards all over the place and growing uncontrollably. The trouble, I think, is that I was trying to cover too much, and the scope for the essay is terribly wide at any rate. Ah well, it was a good question, but for reasons of practicality I don't think I'll do anything like it again.

Friday morning was the climax of the mind-boggling process of writing...the class was small, with a little more than half present. And with Purvis sick, that meant that we finished at 10am. The last lesson was Batchelor's lit, and we did the last - and best - Frost poem. Hehheh, the poem is so surreal, kind of like the things that the Beat Generation writers would write. It has the richest imagery I've ever seen in a Frost poem, and it jumps around conceptually, and it deals with memory. What else could I ask for in a poem? =P So I reckon that Directive is the most interesting one that we've done, and that it'll soon become my favourite one.

Anyway...after 10, me and Chun Long went to the library. Naively I reckoned that I would be able to finish it in the five hours between the end of school and the start of Lit S, but the arguments (and the freezing cold of the library - why the heck do they make it so cold, anyway? Waste energy) defeated me halfway through. And I was shivering so much that I couldn't press the right buttons. So, I dragged my books and my shuddering frame out of the ninth level of Dante's hell for lunch.

But unwisely, instead of taking a break, I immediately started tackling Return of the Native and Directive. By the time Lit S was about to start my brain was wholly battered and wrung dry. I've never been unable to continue reading before. And thus I started to realise exactly what I'd gotten myself into, by doing Lit and Hist S simultaneously. Boy, I imagine that after this year, I'll have to go for language detox. Immersing oneself in words isn't so bad...until the point when your feet lose contact with the seabed and you start to drown.

Anyway, shall be going off for Chorale concert later...I expect it'll be great.

Still a bit annoyed. I reckon I'll never figure out why I respond like that. But right now, it's just getting tiresome...I wish that it had never happened in the first place. And I wish we'd just let it lie.

Why is it that what we call young love seems to be inseperable from a certain measure of desperation? Everyone wants to be a Vye.

Hmm...been thinking of the Bangkok history trip. It'll be great to get out of Singapore again! And as luck would have it, it seems like practically all my flightmates are going to be on the trip. Hmm...that should make it more fun, but I can't figure out how everything will work out. Ah well, I guess these things can be trusted to take care of themselves. But I'm eager to revisit the experience of the exploration of a foreign place with nothing but a friend and a map to back you up. Heh, that does give one an overarching sense of responsibility, and also freedom, because the limits to the responsibility are so clearly defined.

Heh, as you can see, I really don't feel like writing anymore, though I do have lots to say. Perhaps a few more days, when I recover from the Hist S essay, I can give a more detailed account. But till then...back to slacking! And see you guys at the VCH later...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Bohemia

(As an aside, I wish girls had deeper voices. Somehow high-pitched voices don't strike a serious chord in me...whenever some girls talk I find it hard to take them seriously =P But seriously now, I wonder why some of their voices lend themselves so well to allusions to pretenses and superficiality, at least in my mind. Perhaps it's the unjustified stereotype of the TV bimbo at work.)

"To what extent has the state of its popular culture proved a successful indicator for the health of a society?"

That's the Hist S question I'll be trying to hammer away at through this week. It's all in the definitions, this one, because depending on how you define what a "healthy" society is, and what you include in "popular culture", and how you decide to measure its "state", this question can go off on all different sorts of angles. The obvious starting point, I guess, is the issue that decadence in popular culture has lead to the degrading health of society in terms of morality and virtues and other miscellaneous highminded stuff. But there's the issue of causality (to what extent can it be shown that moral degradation is caused by pop culture, or even that moral degradation is not in fact a sort of progressive moral change?) and periodisation (criteria used to judge the health of today's society may not be applicable to past societies, who may not have thought of the criteria at all.

What I'm thinking of doing is approaching the "state of popular culture" in terms of who produces it, and the "health of society" as how willing and capable it is to take care of its weakest members, how capable it is of non-violent social reform, or how resilient it is in the face of crises. The general argument would be that the more desirable "state of popular culture" is when pop culture is controlled and produced by the people, as opposed to the state or government, and that this state of pop culture is most conducive to defending the minorities, promoting progressive gradual non-violent reform and building a strong cohesive society.

Now what I need is examples.

And that's where the biggest problem comes in. I have to read three books by Thursday in order to be able to write the essay that night and pass it up the next day. And after one day of nonstop reading in every scrap of spare time, my brain is really numb. The fact that the question is really interesting helps a lot, and sociological explanations are quite fascinating...kind of like a version of economics that I can appreciate. But there are just so many words to read!

Anyway, shall move on to more joyful things =) Had a positively Bohemian afternoon and evening yesterday. Spent 1.5h in the library ferreting out all the books I could find on sociology, mass media, pop culture and stuff like that. There is a certain serenity that can only come from being surrounded by shelves upon shelves of books, all with words that I haven't read yet, all waiting to be openend, and among this overwhelming store of knowledge waiting to be tapped, I know where to find the scrap that I'm most likely to want at that time. Then ran off to join Soph, Eugene Oh and Ian for dinner before the band concert, but on the way I walked past Chorale rehearsing for a choir performance that evening, and decided to sidetrack there instead.

Apparently Chorale was taking part in a choir exchange programme organised by their conductor. Basically you have five choirs (SA, Dunman Sec, RI and RJC, plus an Australian choir called the Iona Voices) in LT2, all taking turns to sing. Because the thing only started at like 6.15, I only managed to watch the first three choirs, which were not the Raffles choirs. The Singapore choirs were not bad. DSS's rendition of Drunken Sailor was quite hilarious, really =) And anyway, choirs have a certain attraction for me, because they can do so many things with the human voice that I can't. I'm sure there's a scientific reason for why they sound so good...resonance, pitch, tone, whatever...but from all I can tell they just sound really nice.

The Iona Voices were amazing, though. They started with this piece which contained nothing but humming, and the humming fluctuated and intersected on different pitches, and they produced what Chern calls an "overtone" which, as far as I can tell, is a sound you hear but is not directly emitted from the choir's voices. So they produced this digeridoo-like wheezing buzzing hum by overlapping differently-pitched hums, and by modifying their pitch they could change the sound. Bah...I'm not equipped with the right terminology. But it's the first time I understood what they meant by "soundscape", because listening to them, you interpret the sounds in terms of topography. Heh, and they had a really soulful rendition of "Danny Boy", and to my surprise, they sang "Bohemian Rhapsody", which was a great touch. It sounded so familiar, but I only placed it when they were singing like the third verse. Originally thought they were singing some Queen song =P

Hmm...I realise that by some strange coincidence I know quite a few Chorale people. Chern, the two Graces, Kath, Shenting. RJGE notwithstanding, Chorale is probably the CCA in which I know the most people. Odd, how things like these work out. Was chatting with Chern and Grace before the thing started, and they smuggled me into their ranks by appointing me an honorary bass =P

Anyhoos, after Iona Voices (I didn't get to hear Chorale, which was a pity), it was a sprint down to Esplanade to watch the band concert. It was the first time that I managed to get a seat in the circle, because this concert probably offers the cheapest circle seats ever. Unfortunately, I think it'll be the last...the circle isn't so cool when you're sitting in the third row and facing a full military band. The acoustics are fantastic, the upholstery first-rate and the general architecture of the auditorium is superb and sumptuous, but the sheer volume of the band is enough to give you a headache! Never again in the first ten rows of a concert of this scale. Luckily, though, they didn't manage to sell out, so we managed to change to a seat further away, where we could actually see more of the band than the first row and the conductor's posterior.

(I'd forgotten that YY is in band. Was a nice surprise to see him onstage with his good old instrument.)

Another surprise was that Jenn and Yangwei were emceeing. It was stunning to see the two of them together onstage, Jenn in this long maroon (I don't know the exact shade of red) dress with an interesting cutting, and Yangwei in this svave suit and maroon shirt. Really stylish. And I think that was about the limits to their contribution to the concert experience. Enough said, I must think of my audience when writing this...who knows who will read this entry =S

The band, though, was great. The first song opened the night spectacularly, and the jazzy second piece is my favourite I think. They rendered the soundtrack from "Pirates of the Caribbean" and oldies from the 70s. I realised that when I was in the third row, it was really easy to envision a music video to go along with the musical score...like the jazzy piece invoking visions of castles with ivory towers and princesses waiting to be rescued...and this song inspired by a Spanish hymn generated thoughts of a small old church long abandoned to the mountainside, with only a child dressed in mauve playing among the leaves under the crucifix. It's something I could never quantify or explain, how music can invoke the imagination as well as the written word. I guess we all want to imagine, fundamentally.

When we moved backwards after the intermission, though, I was too busy looking at the drummers and percussionists in the last row. There was this one drummer who had four of those large bowl-shaped drums under her charge, and she was practically whacking away at them in one of the songs, bouncing up and down with all that energy. I imagine it must be therapeutic to play an instrument with such...vigour =) And when they were doing the 70s songs, the last row apparated sequinned pink scarves and A-Go-Go wigs. Most hilarious =) In the end they got the required encore call...in fact they got three, but they only had two songs, and the crowd refused to leave for a few tense moments, and the ushers were pissed and the band couldn't exit the stage =P Ah well, such is the average Singaporean JC concert. It is crass, I have to admit, and not at all refined, but I don't think I can bring myself to be like Purvis and wish it were any other way.

All in all quite an artistic night. The library visit and the choir performances came right out of the blue. In the end I kind of dumped the others in pursuit of my own artistic enjoyment...I wonder what they did before the band concert. Ah well, it's jsut as well I guess. So much music can only be good for me in my current state. All I can say is that I want to do it all again! =)

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Underthe Stars

Phew...been on a positive orgy of work, preparing for hist and maths and lit. Finally I have the time to pop by here and leave a few traces. Reading about historical sources and causality, and thinking about all these entries. In this day and age, people have more ability than ever to leave records about themselves for posterity. But then because there just is such a sheer amount of stuff, although your records have a higher chance of suriving intact to the next epoch, the chances are even slimmer that anyone will ever come across them, let alone bother to anaylse them. So we live in a world where we can write down more and more, but everyone else can read less and less. How paradoxical.

Anyway, Grace is restarting her DS. Actually as things stand right now the entire DS has been changed to a stage design thing, so no more acting or costumes and et cetera, just a model and lots of sketches. Which is a bit of a pity, considering that she's invested so much money into her costumes and the raw materials for props. And despite her determination to think otherwise, I think it's a pity that she's not acting anymore. It's the loss of sincerity, I think, because when she acts, you can tell she really appreciates the art form and the medium. Acting with conviction is much easier than showing your dedication through building a set.

So far common test results have been not bad. Ihist was positively surprising...I got my highest marks ever! But when it all balances out, I still got an overall B...but anyway, Lim Cheng Tju's marking style seems to be more forgiving than Kwoks. When we got the papers back, there were a few seconds of fearful silence, and then exultant cheers because practically everyone got higher than they expected =) Lit isn't bad yet. Frost came back as an A-, which I am eminently happy with. It's sufficient.

Anyway, yesterday we went to watch Ballet Under the Stars...Kats, Soph, Claud, Ian, Yvonne, Thong and me. I must say that it's a great concept, a kind of modern wayang on the lawn of Fort Canning Park. The park itself is really quite scenic, I was rather surprised by it. And when the sun goes down and the stars come out, the field is carressed with cool breezes, and there is the excellent dancing on the stage. I was expecting a stage that was totally open to the sky, but I guess for technical reasons some kind of canopy was needed.

The dance was spectacular! I loved the modern dances, especially the first one, Birds of Paradise choreographed by Goh Something-or-Other. Imagine flaming red and yellow skintight costumes, and contortions and acrobatics to an excellent harp and piano soundtrack. The movements were so fluid, that it was easy to see the males and females as part of the same unit. The way the women flowed into the men's bodies, and how they all stood on tiptoes so they looked feetless, and how they could move with so much precision that certain parts of their bodies can be kept absolutely still while other parts did their stuff. After a while, the fantastic lights and the evocative music combine with the flaming costumes to reduce the dancers to just bodies. You can't really conceptualise them as humans. The while dance struck me as a series of brilliant still images in quick succession, because the positions and stances were all so beautiful. And it was really moving...when the dancers were flowing all over the stage, I suddenly thought of Vye and Wildeve, and how they were playing with each other and teasing each other just like the Birds of Paradise seemed to be doing onstage. It was really powerful, that analogy. For the first time I found that I could identify with the artistic purpose of dance. It's not all nice fairy tale stories danced by ballerinas. Some really serious messages can be transmitted by the interplay of movement, costumes, stageplay, sound and light. That's why the SDT is a Dance Theatre.

There were some other interesting interpretive pieces done by Jeffrey Tan...one about the facades that we carry around everyday. Interesting use of light to form boundaries between the two dancers, and the image of nakedness with skin-coloured leotards, and now the man and woman strip away their outer layers and merge into one unit. But I think Birds of Paradise kind of spoiled the market for last night =P It was just fantastic. I was struck dumb by its power, a power that I thought I could only connect with in drama.

Anyway, found YS at the Ballet too. Which was to be expected...I would think that this kind of event would be unmissable for her =P Apparently she got abandoned by a friend, so I kind of abandoned the Humans pple to watch it with her instead. Ah well, they had one another, while she clearly needed company more. Heh, so I was sitting behind Kats watching him drink some cocktail juice straight out of the bottle, and doing a decent impression of a drunken Chinese poet =P Positively decadent! Drinks, poetry, dance, and all on a lawn. How much more bohemian can you get? Anyway, watching dance with a dancer does give interesting perspectives. It's cool to be able to discuss the medium in its own terms...which basically involved me offering streams of adjectives and YS formalising them into dance prac crit terms. And then what should appear on stage than one of the dances that RJ Dance put up last year at their concert! Jeffrey Tan recycles his dances shamelessly =P

All in all quite a cool night. It was nice (though not really a surprise) to find YS sitting right behind the spot that Claud and Co had choped for us, and the dance was just spectacular. And there really were stars. Not a lot of them, but enough to remind me. Orion, the immediately recognisable constellation from anywhere in the northern hemisphere, was there to watch over us. The stars...they're the common thread that binds all these disparate experiences together. Permit me a moment of nostalgia, but if only it were colder and windier, then it would be just like Taiwan. Yesterday morning they were asking for applications to this year's Texprog, and I was egging Thong and Shimin to reapply for it, and I didn't know how far I was actually joking =P

* * * * *

It's never happened before, that kind of coincidence, and I don't know how I really feel about it. It's a bit odd, to be the object of so much attention. Definitely not something that should happen often...having so many minds focused on you is quite pressurising. I didn't expect things to turn out like this at all, although in hindsight perhaps I should have seen it coming. After all, there were enough indicators. They just didn't fit until we were actually there, on the spot. I wonder how come I have to end up in positions like that. Having to choose someone over another. I'd really rather not...I don't think I'm qualified to make that kind of judgment.

But somehow things worked out that way. And perhaps I'm worrying too much about nothing again. It is quite egoistic, to assume that my decision had such big impacts on these people. Who's to say taht I'm held in such high regard, really? And yet, if I don't pay attention, wouldn't it be insensitive and inconsiderate. And I've see what that can do too...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Love and Music

After the weekend Soph and I were continuing our discussions about the nature of young love yesterday after school and this morning. Hmm...I didn't expect other people to understand my argument at all, let alone agree with it. But these conversations have been intriguing.

However, I fear that I went a bit overboard with my zealousness towards the subject. Personally I have no problems with romantic relationships, as long as I'm not one of the two parties most directly involved. But it was the surprise at finding someone else (Soph) that agreed so completely that made me push my point, I guess. The thing is that this isn't the complete picture. My observations and empirical studies have shown me that there is nothing much to be gained from transforming a friendship into a BGR, and anyway BGRs are so fragile and entail so many responsibilities that it's quite a putoff altogether. But the other side is a part of me who hopes that I'm wrong. My reasoning shows something that my instincts don't really feel happy accepting as the truth. Idealism, perhaps. Sentimentality. But it's not romantic, that much I am certain, at least not in the terms that are understood by us now.

It's funny, how we delight in dissecting this phenomenon on such an empirical and rational level. Developing theorems, guidelines and hypotheses to explain why, for all its drawbacks, people keep getting involved. You could say that it was a bit of an orgy of introspection. In the end the notion of relationships being a deeply personal thing is the last refuge for the young lover - and it is notoriously unassailable. And a part of me doesn't want to push too hard...I would like to believe I am wrong on some level, and I definitely don't want to risk finding how the extent to which I could be right is far greater than I expected.

But I think the most satisfying thing about these talks was not the conclusions provided (Grace had a compelling argument...although in essence she wasn't saying anything different from the others who have been attached before, her conviction makes it more convincing somehow...because it's not so much "I guess", but "I know". Deep belief is a tried and tested debate technique.) but that the conversations happened at all. It's interesting, to see things working out this way. I'd thought that something so ruthlessly and determinedly probing could only happen between soulmates. Of course, it could be that I was wrong, or it could be that I''ve just found more people who can classify as "soulmates". I don't particularly like the implications...that soulmates are less permanent than I assumed, but for the time being, the familiarity and frankness was refreshing. Standing at the airwell leaning on the green handrail looking down on passing students and discussing romance...I had despaired of finding instances like these in RJ. It turns out that perhaps I had only been looking in the wrong places.

It's nice to be able to walk out of class, meet someone in the corridor and expect a frank conversation to happen with a minimum of political considerations and pretenses. Where trust engenders the mutual acknowledgement that nothing is in fact at stake. Frankness and truth. Rare commodities in this here environment and time.

Anyway...I think I've used up my sappiness quotient for the month. Wrote a rather incisive and frank letter to clear up yet another romantic misunderstanding...but under the conditions it was rather hard to maintain the right tone of voice, and I found myself resorting to the cliches of cheap romance flicks to do the talking for me. Bah, and then I go and lose it in school. All I can hope for now is that it was not picked up by anyone, and the driving rain of the past few days have destroyed it. I always liked writing letters, but this rather Hardy-esque episode of misplaced correspondence has convinced me that for things of such sensitivity, we should not hide behind ink and paper, and confront it face to face.

On to less emotional topics...Guitar has been becoming really fun. I love our mass pracs with Mr. Gaspar, our professional conductor, because he has the rigour, and he knows what to look for, and he's just a nice person overall who can keep your self-esteem up...and he's like a bottomless well of encouragement. The only drawback is that sometimes I think he panders to us too much, as in he doesn't tell us how bad we really are, qualifying and moderating all his criticisms with encouragement. I think we do need to be told frankly where we stand in terms of playing quality, and not to have our evaluation of ourselves elevated falsely. Humility is important in a performer, as it is in everyone.

Gaspar says that we're improving steadily, and we'll peak at the right time and have our best performance on SYF itself. I'd like to think so. I sincerely hope so, because at this point in time I don't think we're precise and powerful enough with our playing to be a truly remarkable ensemble. But what do I know...I've never played in a musical group before, and heck, I can't even read the notes =P I gotta admit, all the same, that it has been getting better. We're really beginning to understand as a group what it is to appreciate the moods of the music...for the jazz piece and the Aria, we're adding instinctual showmanship in terms of body language. And I finally get what he means by feeling the music...especially for the jazz piece, where there is an almost instinctual appreciation for the interplay of melodies and base-line and rhythm. I sincerely hope this is enough...that our appreciation of the art of performance, and our genuinely having fun with the pieces, will be enough to spur us to higher performance standards. And we all know how peaking on the competition day itself is so unlikely. I'd feel safer if we overshoot the standard needed. Drama SYFs have demonstrated adequately that there are no guarantees on how you interpret performance standards.

Anyway, Split Screen Sadness is a great song! I read the lyrics last night, and was stuck on the song for half an hour playing it over and over again. But for the rather unfortunate and cheap title, I think it's really poetic. And evocative. Sometimes I wonder what I am missing out, really. The loving relationship produces so much art that some part of it must be worth experiencing.

Split Screen Sadness
Heavier Things - John Mayer

And I don't know where you went when you left me but
It says here in the water you must be gone by now
I can tell somehow
One hand on the trigger of the telephone
Wondering when the call comes
You say it's all right
You got your heart right

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch til' you come back home
Oh, right
I can't find a flight

We share the sadness
The split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

All you need is love, is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters
And it stings when it's nobody's fault
Cause there's nothin' to blame at the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch 'til you come back home
Oh, right
I can't find a flight
So I'll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
The split screen sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
We share the sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
Split screen sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)

I called
Because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don't hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day
Don't let me get away
Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say that this is the way that I used to be
There's no substitute for time
Or for the sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
The split screen sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
We share the sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
The split screen sadness
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
Oh and the sadness it's a ride, it's a ride
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
Oh and the sadness it's a ride, it's a ride
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
Oh and the sadness it's a ride, it's a ride
(Two wrongs make it all alright)
Oh and the sadness it's a ride, it's a ride
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Hezekiah

...and a great man passes away.

I feel more relieved now, I guess, that it's all over. Human suffering is something that's difficult to watch, even when it has so much symbolic significance. To apply a cliche, at least he's no longer going through the painful process of decline. Was praying in church yesterday night for the Pope...basically doing nothing but kneeling and reflecting. The total silence, but for the whirr of the air conditioning and the creak of the pews, is rather conducive for retrospection. And to think of yourself as part of a worldwide movement of one billion people all doing the same things and thinking of the same person, it's quite monumental. What purpose did we serve, by praying for the Pope last night? I don't know. But keeping vigil always has something enriching to offer for me.

Was watching the news for stories about the Pope...and I was struck by how strong he was in his heyday, the days when he was striking out against Communism, against poverty and inequality. His visibility was stunning, really. For someone who has so much influence and power, he made a remarkable effort to be close to average Christians. If the inner workings of the Vatican have always been shrouded in mystery, at least this time it has the Pope's human face attached to it as well. "If the people cannot come to Rome, then bring Rome to the people" indeed.

It's striking how these few days the Pope's affected me. I usually am not so outspoken about my religion. It's just the urgency and the importance of the situation, I guess. It's an irrational thing, this sympathy for someone I don't know going through something I don't understand. I guess also to some extent it's an urge to belong to something greater, to join in solidarity with something at once public and intimate. The church attached a lot of symbolism to these few days. Religious or not, there is a lot that is evocative. And because it was not just any Christian, or just any Pope, who passed away, but a man who contributed so distinctly to the human experience, it has arrested me. And I guess to some extent the world as well.

It was heartwarming today to see a little cross hanging on the cash register of Raffles City's Subway.

* * * * *

Went to Toa Payoh for lunch on Friday with Mel and Chern. I have to say that it was a great time, the bouts of shopping included =) It's great to see other people who like the place as much as me. To share an experience is something to be treasured, and I'm glad they found Toa Payoh entertaining. Had the usual fare, mutton soup, bread and the indispensible teh cino. Then we went on a survey of the shops around the Library plaza, and found this shop selling homemade hand-designed clothes, started up by young adults. I can see Mel behind the counter of a shop like that one day. The Singapore fashion mogul =P

We were talking about religion over lunch. Strange how these topics seem to appear out of nowhere and engage us for hours on end (well, it was a little more than an hour at least). It's always intrigued me, how come people make so much out of technical differences. If we all believe in the One God and Jesus, what else is there to argue about? The rituals and songs and official posts and churches and artwork and philosophy are all only different ways to express the same belief. And compared to the momentousness of that core belief, in an omniscient and benevolent supreme being, what does it matter that some people express it differently?

It's interesting, how these things come around. After almost a decade of absence from Toa Payoh, I find myself in a school in neighbouring Bishan. And with the whole estate upgraded and revitalised, Toa Payoh offers way more than Bishan in the form of interesting sights and events. The old streets and shops, and the church and Library plaza especially, of childhood are still there, lingering on under layers of new paint. Things are different, but there remains enough familiar things to offer a real sense of grounding. So I find myself walking through a repainted and rebuilt Toa Payoh Mall, and finding the old spirit tree still in the middle of it. And I find myself in a repaved Library plaza with a refurbished Library (only the staircase is the same) with new friends, but the old church is still there, as is the mutton soup.

I wonder why I have such a historical outlook nowadays. Is it hearkening back to a simpler time?

Today was Qing Ming, so I was at the columbarium. It was ironic that even on a Sunday I had to go back to school, and seeing the A block looming over the final resting place of my ancestors has something disturbingly surreal in it. Especially when it occured to me that when I die and get cremated, I'll probably be placed in that columbarium. Next door from school =S Anyway, after that went out with Soph for lunch at Cedele. Once again, I have to say that I love that kind of meal...the peasant's meal, soup and bread. Simple, rough and dignified in its inelegance. In a world with too many nice things, substantialness must be sought in the semingly unremarkable.

We speak so much about love, but how can we know what it really is at this time? How can one expect the next love attachment to be the forever one? How can one approach young love at this age without a certain skepticism and fatalism in its transience? Why do some people still think that they can find true love in a JC? Ah well, I was never much of a romantic anyway. It's only funny how things work out to bring so many things together in such conducive combinations. Years ago I had a vague sense that I was setting the foundations for my own future. And to see the preparations bearing fruit now, to see old people reappearing in new combinations, I wonder if I really had any idea what I was constructing. And how much control I actually had over the process, and if it was all an accident, why it ended up so remarkably good.

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Passing

Pope John Paul II is dying.

I hope that if it is God's will to bring his servant back home, then the Pope will pass away peacefully and with dignity. Though his work is not done yet, he has already achieved much, and I think he deserves our admiration regardless of our theological outlook. We should recognise that a great man is passing.

When he appeared at his window over Easter, he was frail and weak, but I refuse to see him as pathetic. He is not an enfeebled man trying to put up a facade over St. Peter's Square. He is a frail man wanting to be near to his people till the last moment. The personal strength required to do any appearance at all is remarkable.

Tonight, he stays in the Vatican to be near those people that he knows, and he knows that his time is coming. And here, we are praying for him as well, together with the entire Catholic church, and the Christian church, which are in fact all part of the same thing. It is time for us to be with him in his final hours. Like I said, we should put aside our petty technical differences to be with this man in spirit. For all that he has done, he deserves our respect, if not as a spiritual leader, then as a human being.

...and to be part of this one human drive for one human being...

:: One Month Break :: BMT :: Chinese New Year :: A Change of Perspective :: On the Brink of Tomorrow :: Thinking Back :: Narnia :: 2006 :: This Christmas :: The Airport ::

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